Hi Lucia,

I’m in a two-month, long-distance relationship with a guy. We both fell in love a month into our relationship. He is the kind of guy who wants to get married and have kids, and I am the one who freaks out about it.

I told him in an e-mail that I didn't feel secure enough to be in an exclusive relationship with him after we established that we would be. I told him I would like to casually date other men while sexually being exclusive to him until I felt I was in a committed relationship. Previously, he told me he wouldn’t like my casually dating other men. A couple of days later I called and apologized to him.

Now he treats me differently, and I feel I’ve lost his trust. Is it possible to gain it back or should I just end things considering the long distance nature of this relationship? —Julie

Hi Julie,

The two of you both need a reality check. You both fell in love a month into a long-distance relationship? Come on! Real love takes a lot longer to develop than that, especially if you’re not even in the same city.

You need to make up your mind how you’re going to approach your dating life, so that you don’t come across as a flake – saying one thing, then changing your mind. Of course he treats you differently – he doesn’t trust you, since you went back on your word. However, you shouldn’t trust him either, because you barely know each other.

I don’t place much hope in long-distance situations, unless you had already dated in the same city and someone had to move, but even then it’s not easy. I do not suggest you make someone a priority unless they live in the same city.

I think the most effective way to date in today’s world is to date several men casually, and not have sex with any unless you have a commitment. You should state that by the third date, not in a matter of fact manner, but casually, like it’s no big deal. If a guy is interested, he will eventually step up and make a commitment.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.