Dear Lucia,
There’s this guy I have a thing for who is continually stringing me along. He makes lunch dates with me and then breaks them at the last minute. Like a dummy I always offer to reschedule and then wind up sitting and waiting for a reply. When he finally replies with a date and time, no show!
I told him that I was OK with him skipping out on me, but he needed to be the one to reschedule. Months later he calls, says he misses me, and that he’s lost my e-mail address, so could I please send it. I e-mailed him and he wrote back: My house or yours?
Lucia, part of me wants to string him along the way he’s strung me. I’m
not even that interested anymore, but I do want to get my point across to him
that what he did wasn’t cool. Could he possibly have taken an interest in
me all of a sudden?
—Tiffany
Dear Tiffany,
Your letter reminds me of the well-known phrase: Actions speak louder than words.
He has consistently shown you by his actions that he’s not that interested
in you. In return, you have consistently shown him that you’re willing to
put up with his b.s. by being "OK with him skipping out" on you. After
the second time he cancelled, that should have been it. Someone that really wants
to see you will do what they can to make sure it happens!
Your opportunity to show him that what he did "wasn’t cool" has
already passed. His comment about "My house or yours" tells me he just
sees you as a booty call and is not taking you seriously. He hasn’t taken
a sudden interest in you. He’s probably just going through a "dry spell."
No one can "string you along" without your permission. You believe he
has an invisible cord through your nose with which he can control you. The good
news is you can always get your power back after giving it away by being a doormat.
Cut the cord and move on.
Dear Lucia,
I’m 21 years old and have been happily single for 2 years. Now I decided
I want to be in a relationship. When I find someone I really like I get all stupid
and tell her I like her and blah, blah, blah. Should I hold it in and act like
I’m not too excited about her if I meet someone I like? I’ve dated soooo
many women and know when I find one I can date for a long period of time. I know
women love guys who don’t show them that much attention, even though they
say they need attention from a man.
—Nick
Dear Nick,
At your young age, it’s all good. This is the time of life when you should
be dating different people, finding out what you like and honing your relationship
skills. In other words, it’s better to make your mistakes now rather than
10 years down the road.
I’d like to correct one thing: women don’t love guys who don’t
show them that much attention, girls do. I’m assuming you’ll be dating
girls your age or a few years older, so yes, you do need to hold back in the beginning
and not express your intentions right away. In general, girls don’t appreciate
a man that keeps his word until they are older and realize those are the only
men worth dating.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net
The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose
Ave.
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