Hi Lucia,

I met an amazing man through a reputable dating Web site. I am truly “smitten” by him; he makes my “bucket” list and I can stop thinking about him.

We live in two different cities and have not met each other yet. We are both very busy professionals and we have been talking for about five months, but the stars and the moon have not lined up for us to meet. We’ve both been going through very hard divorces and are extra cautious!

I was curious so I asked him “if there was a possibility that he might be interested in me.” He told me “that the most important thing to him right now is our friendship.” I don’t know if that means “I’m not that into you” or “I just want to take it slow.” I just don't want to waste my time.

He shows very little emotion towards me. When I say something flirtatious he almost never responds, but when we talk it is almost always two to three hours at a time.

Can you provide me with some insight? —Delores

Hi Delores,

Wow. Two to three hours at a time with a man in another city who you’ve never met? He may very well have been interested in the beginning, but by being so available to a stranger, you’re showing that you are not “high value,” otherwise, you wouldn’t be willing to spend so much time on the phone. Men want someone who they have to at least put “some” work in for, but you’ve basically handed yourself over on a silver platter.

You’re assuming that because he’s willing to spend so much time talking, that he must be as interested as you. Wrong! Women fall in love with their ears, but men fall in love with their eyes. Every time you talk to him, you become more and more bonded, but he doesn’t! So why is he spending so much time on the phone with you? Who knows? Maybe he’s lonely and enjoys talking to you.

As usual, actions speak louder than words. If he were interested in more than a friendship, he would put more effort into trying to see you and would flirt back.

However, there is a chance you could turn this around. Obviously, the first thing you have to do is cut way back on phone time. Do not be available to talk every day, and when you do talk, talk only for half an hour at the most. Tell him you’re busy with work or you’re on your way out, etc.

In the meantime, I would also suggest you start seeing other guys in your city and tell him so! Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just casually say, “I have to get going. My date is picking me up in a few minutes.” If he’s interested, he’ll react to the fact that you’re dating others. If not, he won’t care.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.