Hi Lucia,
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for four months. He lives in Chicago, and I’m in Milwaukee. We take the train to visit each other on the weekends. I am in law school, and he asked what I was doing next summer. I said I have no idea but my lease ends in May, and I need to either get an internship or take classes. He asked if I could get one in Chicago. I said probably an unpaid one but that I could do that part time if I work full time. He offered to let me move in so that it would be more affordable for me, and I accepted.

Now he changed his mind, saying he will be really busy training for an iron man that is in June and visiting Milwaukee on the weekends to see friends and family (he is from here). He said, “It’s probably a better idea for you to be in Milwaukee.” He did try to plan a summer trip with me though after saying that. I can’t help but think his feelings changed. I am really heartbroken because I care for him and thought he felt the same. I feel like I really overestimated how he felt and now I feel stupid and wish I was with someone who was more interested in me than this.

Am I wrong to want to be with someone that would have wanted me to move in and made it happen? Is it wrong that I no longer trust how he feels about me? Is it wrong that I am hurt by this and worried that his interest in me has nothing to do with caring for me besides him being bored and wanted a piece of action? —Wanting him in Milwaukee

Dear Wanting,
Well, I’m certainly glad one of you came to your senses, and unfortunately, it’s not you!

Moving in with someone you barely know is rarely, if ever, a good idea. You may think four months is a long time, but the fact that it’s a long-distance relationship makes it more like two months, since you can’t see each other during the week.

You are never wrong for how you feel, so you can certainly feel hurt, stupid and distrustful, however, I believe you are over-reacting. The fact is: You should never have agreed to go in the first place. Why are you trying to speed things along when he was going to be traveling to your city every weekend anyway? Your focus should be on your studies, not on someone who may not be in your life next year.

Be grateful he changed his mind – he may actually have helped your relationship by doing that. If anything, tell him you’ve thought about it and realized things were moving too quickly and you totally agree with his decision.

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