Untitled Document Q&A

Dear Lucia,

I met a female online and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. We e-mailed each other and talked on the telephone. Then the day came and we met each other for the first time, and now I practically don’t exist anymore. Why is that? The only reason that I can think of is that she was looking for a certain type of person and I guess I didn’t fit into that category. What do you think? This has happened to me more than once.

—Gary R.

Dear Gary,

No matter how much e-mailing and phone calling there is before you meet someone, you never really know about the person until you’re actually sitting in the same room with them. This is why I recommend that you don’t wait too long to meet after the initial online contact. After a few e-mails, you should move on to phone calls. If you get along on the phone, set up a date after two or three calls. This way, you don’t waste time with someone who you will not be compatible with. I can have great phone conversations with a lot of guys, but that doesn’t mean I’d want to date all of them.

The women you’ve met probably felt there was no chemistry. Make sure you’re not misrepresenting yourself in your profile. Is your photo up to date or do you look 20 pounds lighter and/or 10 years younger in it? I once met someone that posted a photo of someone with hair and an athletic body. The guy that showed up was bald and chubby!

If your profile reflects the real you, then it’s just a numbers game and eventually you’ll meet someone you click with.

Dear Lucia,

Does being a dating expert hamper your own relationships? I think it would irritate the hell out of me if my woman thought she knew everything. If a woman is or thinks she is a pro at relationships and she gets into an argument with her partner, she will tend to think what she says is always right. Just curious.


Dear Anthony,

Now what kind of relationship expert would I be if I didn’t know how to behave in a relationship? My knowledge allows me to recognize how to handle almost any situation that comes up. The person I date would see that in my behavior, not in my words. I don’t sit around and lecture whomever I’m with.

When it comes to arguments, I rarely get into them. I see them as a waste of time and energy. If there is a difference of opinion, both parties discuss their points of view and try to come to an agreement. If they can’t, then they may have to agree to disagree. I like to think that being in a relationship with me is actually an unique experience, because I’m not into all the drama that permeates most relationships!

Dear Lucia,

I have made a ton of dating mistakes. I finally decided that the key to true happiness is a relationship from within and, to complement this, a healthy balance of empathy and compassion. Throw in a pinch of caretaker with healthy detachment and reasonable expectations and you have a pretty good chance of achieving something worthwhile.


Dear Trevor,

Well done. I’m astonished at your insight and totally agree with you. I don’t think I could have said it as eloquently!

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net

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