Dear Lucia,
I met a female online and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. We e-mailed each other and talked on the telephone. Then the day came and we met each other for the first time, and now I practically don’t exist anymore. Why is that? The only reason that I can think of is that she was looking for a certain type of person and I guess I didn’t fit into that category. What do you think? This has happened to me more than once.
—Gary R.
Dear Gary,
No matter how much e-mailing and phone calling there is before you meet someone,
you never really know about the person until you’re actually sitting in the
same room with them. This is why I recommend that you don’t wait too long
to meet after the initial online contact. After a few e-mails, you should move
on to phone calls. If you get along on the phone, set up a date after two or three
calls. This way, you don’t waste time with someone who you will not be compatible
with. I can have great phone conversations with a lot of guys, but that doesn’t
mean I’d want to date all of them.
The women you’ve met probably felt there was no chemistry. Make sure you’re not misrepresenting yourself in your profile. Is your photo up to date or do you look 20 pounds lighter and/or 10 years younger in it? I once met someone that posted a photo of someone with hair and an athletic body. The guy that showed up was bald and chubby!
If your profile reflects the real you, then it’s just a numbers game and eventually you’ll meet someone you click with.
Dear Lucia,
Does being a dating expert hamper your own relationships? I think it would irritate
the hell out of me if my woman thought she knew everything. If a woman is or thinks
she is a pro at relationships and she gets into an argument with her partner,
she will tend to think what she says is always right. Just curious.
—Anthony
Dear Anthony,
Now what kind of relationship expert would I be if I didn’t know how to behave
in a relationship? My knowledge allows me to recognize how to handle almost any
situation that comes up. The person I date would see that in my behavior, not
in my words. I don’t sit around and lecture whomever I’m with.
When it comes to arguments, I rarely get into them. I see them as a waste of time and energy. If there is a difference of opinion, both parties discuss their points of view and try to come to an agreement. If they can’t, then they may have to agree to disagree. I like to think that being in a relationship with me is actually an unique experience, because I’m not into all the drama that permeates most relationships!
Dear Lucia,
I have made a ton of dating mistakes. I finally decided that the key to true happiness
is a relationship from within and, to complement this, a healthy balance of empathy
and compassion. Throw in a pinch of caretaker with healthy detachment and reasonable
expectations and you have a pretty good chance of achieving something worthwhile.
—Trevor
Dear Trevor,
Well done. I’m astonished at your insight and totally agree with you. I don’t
think I could have said it as eloquently!
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net
Lucia will be appearing at the West Hollywood Book Fair on Sunday, Oct. 2 from
3-6 p.m. at the West Hollywood Writes booth.
The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose
Ave.
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