Hi Lucia,

My boyfriend of one and a half years seems to love me a lot; however, he never has any time to spend with me. He makes plans to meet me but usually cancels. Even if we meet up, his friends are always around so we never go out alone. He also refuses to have sex with me and rejects me even if I am trying to get close.

On the other hand, there is a guy at work who I found myself attracted to, with whom I have friendly conversations. Recently he got a bit flirty with me and we exchanged numbers. At that point he realized I am already seeing someone and got a bit upset. However, after that he started texting me and asking me to kiss him. I kept refusing because I did not want to cheat on my boyfriend.

A few days ago we met up outside the office for a drink. We shared a cab on the way home and he sat very close to me. Within minutes, even though I kept refusing him, he kissed me, after which I could not resist him and we messed around a bit. That night we spoke and he kept asking me to date him and sleep with him.

I had decided that I was going to give him a chance, but the next day at work he ignored me. I tried to express my feelings to him the same way he used to and he laughed it off. I called him later that night and I told him I wanted him but he kept rejecting my proposal. He later told me that he still loves his ex and sends her texts every day, and that he wants her back in his life. This made me very jealous and mad, so I started insulting him. Since then he has not messaged or called me.

I really want this guy to want me again like he wanted me so desperately a few days ago. Please help me to get him back. -Harsha

Hi Harsha,

Please tell me you are in your early 20s, because if you're not and this is how you behave with guys, then you have a lot of work to do!

First, there's your "boyfriend,” who it seems is that in name only. How can you have a relationship with someone you rarely see and who doesn't want to have sex with you? He sounds more like an acquaintance, and my guess is that he's already seeing someone else. I would suggest you move on from him.

As for your co-worker, you can't get someone back who you never had. He's not interested in having a relationship with you, he just wants to sleep with you. That's evident from his behavior in the cab. Instead of being a gentleman and complying with your refusal to kiss him, he kept on trying until you gave in. Then the next day he ignored you, laughed when you expressed your feelings, and later said he was still in love with his ex. What do red flags have to do before you're willing to see them? Chase you down and hit you over the head?

The bottom line is that you're willing to be with men who aren't interested in you. That's always a recipe for disaster. Dating and relationships are a lot easier if there is mutual interest. When the handwriting is on the wall, please heed its warning the first time.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.