To recap last week’s article: After many years of dealing with players, I decided I wanted to have the real thing. I met a great guy but didn’t know how to handle the situation due to my "Post Traumatic Dating Disorder."
…He never knew it, but behind the scenes I was freaking out. When I dealt with players, it was mainly about the sex. Players are generally very good in bed and I’d been spoiled. I knew what great sex was and, unfortunately, we weren’t having it. This guy didn’t seem to really care about sex that much and I wondered if perhaps he wasn’t happy with our sex life. My fear of things ending led me to say something about it. I am all about communication – after all, I’m a writer. If the person I am with is unhappy about something – no matter what it is – my reaction is always to find out what I can do to better the situation. Of course, not everyone is at that point in their evolution, and some people choose to retreat instead of communicate.
This person is currently not speaking to me. When he sees me, he looks at me as if he doesn’t know me. If I say "hello," he barely answers. I’m not sure exactly what he’s thinking, but I suspect the combination of my saying something about the sex and the fact that he never got closure from his previous relationship (a red flag that I chose to ignore) is what’s behind his current state of mind. He wanted to go someplace where he felt safe and, as in his case, that usually ends up being the person you were with before.
I have no idea how this will all play out, but in my usual practice of turning lemons into lemonade, I will take the lessons I learned and become even better at helping others with their dilemmas. I’ve reaffirmed my belief that being a player is not a good thing. You are constantly in defense mode and suspicious of everything. Anytime someone cancels or doesn’t call or show up when they say they will, you think something is up. This is not a very attractive quality when one is trying to have a real relationship. It causes you to see problems where there may not be any. Though I can control myself enough not to say anything, people you are intimately involved with are able to pick up your vibes more easily and vice versa.
I also chose to ignore the fact that this guy would constantly bring up his ex, sometimes at the strangest moments, such as when we were going to sleep. I actually told him when we first started seeing each other that if he didn’t get closure on that relationship, it would come back to bite him. Of course, I didn’t want to admit that it would most likely come back to bite me too. Instead of rushing into the relationship, which is something I always advise against, I should have slowed things down and let a friendship develop instead.
The spiritual thought system, A Course in Miracles (www.acim.org), teaches that relationships are assignments. Two people are brought together because there will be "maximal learning opportunity" for both parties. I am grateful that this situation occurred because I feel that I am now a better person.
Scarlett O’Hara vowed in Gone with the Wind, "I’ll never be hungry
again." I vow, "I’ll never make these mistakes again."
Watch Lucia’s show, "The Art of Love," on Comcast Public Access
on Thursday, Oct. 20 at 8:30 p.m.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
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