Please tell me what’s wrong with me! I am always good friends with women, but when I start to love them, things always go wrong. I know I can be honest and direct, and sometimes intense, but what is the problem with that?
My other issue is that I seem to attract jealous and insecure women. Is that the consequence of being too honest and direct? I always warn women that I am a good friend and lousy lover. --Miguel
Well, nothing like doing your own bad PR. You’re right, you are too honest if you are warning women up front that you are a bad lover. It seems that you are using that as a disclaimer so that when things eventually go wrong, you can say, “See, I told you so.”
Honesty is not always the best policy, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. There is no need to express every thought that comes to your mind –that behavior is okay for a 3-year-old, but it’s a turn-off in a grown man. Sometimes, tact and diplomacy make for a better policy. Women want to feel adored and cherished, and it’s possible your directness is doing the total opposite.
You ask what’s wrong with that and I say: nothing, if you don’t mind being alone. Your approach hasn’t worked so far, so why not try something new if you really want things to change?
In terms of the jealousy and insecurity issue, unless a woman has mental health or trust issues, she won’t become jealous and insecure unless you give her a reason. I’ve dated men that have made me feel totally secure and never gave me cause to have a moment of jealousy, because I knew they were into me and they weren’t going anywhere. I’ve also dated men who sent mixed messages, and thus I was insecure and jealous.
Look at your words and actions, and ask yourself if you are contributing to the women behaving this way.
Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from her book, Lucia’s Lessons of Love, at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.