Dear Lucia,
I’ve been dating a guy for three months. He calls almost every day, makes dates weeks in advance and is planning a weekend getaway next month. He says he likes me but not to expect things to progress because he doesn’t want a relationship. His previous relationship lasted less than two months. He said that when he does commit he wants to be loyal and he doesn’t think he’s ready for that now. He says he’s OK with me dating other guys, but I haven’t and I don’t know how he’ll react to that. He also says he is not sleeping with or seeing anyone else, but that he can’t promise he won’t one day, and if he does he will tell me. We have a great time together and he is very attentive, but I want to know if there is a future with him.
—Daniela
Dear Daniela,
Actions always speak louder than words. He may say he doesn’t want a relationship,
but he sure is putting in a lot of time and effort to be with you. You already
have a relationship, but his thinking is that if he says that he doesn’t
want one, then it doesn’t exist. That’s like covering your eyes and
saying you don’t see something. Whether you choose to see it or not, it’s
still there. My guess is that he is torn between his feelings for you and his
desire to be free. Maybe his last relationship left him a bit shaken and he wants
to wait before making a commitment.
As usual, you have a choice. You can either continue to see him under the current conditions and see how things go, or you can start to date other guys until he’s "ready." A person never makes a commitment based on a conversation. They either want to commit or they don’t. If he has strong feelings for you and he becomes aware that you are seeing others, that may be the impetus he needs to finally make a commitment.
It’s too soon to know if you have a future with him. Not all dating has to lead to a commitment and not all commitments have to lead to marriage. Go with the flow and let me know what happens.
Dear Lucia,
I read your article about the 10 things never to say to a guy and I follow them
religiously. I’ve been dating a guy for four months and he always hints about
wanting to be a couple. The last time he said this I said I didn’t think
I could handle being with him if he was sleeping with other women. He agreed and
said all along that he was assuming I was his girlfriend and that he didn’t
want to see other people and didn’t want me to either. It seemed like a positive
discussion and I wonder if you think that it was a wrong move?
I might be sensing the slightest difference in him … like he’s not trying as hard to pursue me as before.
—Lina
Dear Lina,
Relax! Everything sounds fine. Why would you bring up other women if he is the
one expressing an interest in wanting to be a couple? As you can see, it’s
not necessary to ask, "Where is this going?"
As I told Daniela in the previous answer, a person doesn’t make a commitment just because of a conversation. Your guy was already assuming you were his. The "slightest" difference you sense may be because he is now sure of the relationship status and he’s more relaxed. It’s perfectly normal. Calm down and have fun!
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: http://www.theartoflove.net">www.theartoflove.net
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