Here are 10 things to keep in mind while looking for “The One”.
Treat every guy as if he’s “The One”: Although some people say that when they met their future spouse they knew it right away, it doesn’t usually happen that way. So, until he shows you by his words and/or actions that he’s definitely not “The One”, conduct yourself accordingly by following these commandments. Otherwise, you risk losing a good guy
Adopt a wait and see attitude: Everyone is usually on their best behavior when you first meet them. Instead of deciding you’re “in love” just because you felt a connection, your attitude towards anyone you’ve just started dating should be: Show me who you are and I’ll decide where, if anywhere, you fit into my life. Don’t project positive qualities onto someone you barely know just because that’s what you’re looking for in a man. Wait and see whether he actually has those qualities.
Don’t rush intimacy: Would you lend your car to a guy you just met? Probably not. So why would you lend him the most important thing you have – your body? Having sex before you know whether he’s into you and not just into the sex, rarely leads to anything positive and will not make him want to commit. Sex should be the acknowledgement that things are moving forward – it should not be used to cause that movement. If he’s interested, he will wait.
Don’t date him if he’s not over his ex: No matter how beautiful or wonderful you may be, if someone is still into their ex, they will not be able to appreciate you. How do you know if he isn’t over her yet? The two main clues are: He always mentions her, even when there is clearly no reason for it or he refuses to discuss her at all. Be a woman of high value and find someone who is emotionally available.
Don’t become Jamie Bond 007: The foundation of any relationship is trust. If you feel the need to snoop around, you have a major issue, even if you don’t follow through. Listen to your intuition. If a man is trustworthy, becoming a spy will not even enter your mind. If however you have trust issues, don’t date until you work those out, otherwise you will eventually drive everyone away.
Don’t give more than you’re getting: Male energy is about “doing”. Female energy is about “being”. A man cannot fall in love with a woman who is giving more to him than he is to her. It comes across as desperate and manipulative. He wants to be your hero and give to you. He wants you to be his dream girl, not his unpaid assistant. In this case, less really is more.
Date at least 3 men at once: Also known as "a pair and a spare", there are several advantages to playing the field: you may meet someone you like better, you won't become obsessed over any one man, if someone stops calling you won't be as devastated and the fact that there is competition may prompt an indecisive man to decide he wants to be exclusive.
Don’t assume you’re exclusive: Until he asks you to be his woman or you’ve had “the talk”, always assume he’s dating other women. Even if he says he isn’t dating anyone else, it still doesn’t mean you’re automatically a couple. No matter how he acts, until he says it, you’re not exclusive.
Don’t chase him: If a man is interested, nothing can keep him away from you – be it time, distance, age, etc. If he’s not interested, nothing you do, say or give him will make him interested. Save yourself from heartache, wasted time and emotions by only focusing on men whose energy is moving towards you, no matter how much you may be attracted to someone.
Listen to him: Listening has been called “white magic”, probably because great listeners are hard to find. Instead of trying to impress him with just looks, do it by also being the type of woman who gives him 100% of her attention when he speaks. This is the reason patients sometimes fall in love with their therapists - someone is listening to everything they say and that is very attractive.
Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from her book, Lucia’s Lessons of Love, at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.