: Q & A

Dear Nikki,

Ha, ha, ha. Hold on while I stop laughing. Ha, ha, ha. Sorry, but do you actually think that if a guy wants to live with you, he has marriage on his mind? If he had marriage on his mind, he’d marry you. If he has easy access on his mind, he’ll live with you. Don’t lie to yourself. Marriage is a commitment, living together is a convenience. How do you feel knowing that he’s willing to live with you, but is not willing to make a commitment? What incentive does he have to marry you? He doesn’t get a chance to miss you and he sees you at your worst. You are selling yourself short if you move in without a ring.

Research shows that marriages where the couple lived together first have a much higher rate of divorce and that women in live in relationships gain weight after moving in.

It’s time to bite the bullet and move out. If he wants you in his life, he’ll have to offer a ring and a date. Otherwise, move on girlfriend!Dear Lucia,

I’m 40 and have never been married ... guess you could say relationships aren’t my expertise.

—Mike

Dear Mike,

Most people aren’t relationship experts, which is why I exist! If you are 40 and have never been married, then the reason is probably because you really don’t want to be married. You choose people you know are not marriage material. If you are looking for a house with a fireplace, you do not waste your time looking at houses without a fireplace. If you are looking for a spouse, you do not waste your time with people that aren’t marriage material.

However, although the current paradigm is to eventually get married, it is not for everyone. With the national divorce rate at 50%, more and more people are thinking twice before taking the plunge. I believe we need to stop thinking there is something wrong with people if they are not married by a certain age.

If you truly want to be married, then you may want to speak to a therapist about your aversion to long term commitments. Otherwise, enjoy your life and if it happens, it happens.

Dear Lucia,

I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship for 2 years. I really love my girlfriend and plan to marry her in the future. There is one problem – I would like to try more fishes out there in the sea just for plain sex. I still want to be with her though. What should I do?

—NJS

Dear NJS,

Your letter is a perfect example of why someone should not be in a relationship until they’ve "sowed their wild oats". Nature has made it so that men feel a need to spread their "seed". You are trying to fight a natural tendency and as you can see, it’s not working. You need to be honest with everyone involved. Tell your girlfriend you love her but you need to be free for a while. The girls you plan to have sex with, make sure you tell them it’s just about the sex and you’re not looking for an emotional involvement. If they aren’t looking for the same thing, then move on. When you think you’ve tried enough "fishes", you can always try going back to your girlfriend if you’re both still interested and she’s still available.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: http://www.theartoflove.net

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