Hi Lucia,

I met a guy on Facebook in April. After I gave him my number he was texting me every day, but he would never call me. When we decided to meet, he called me twice that day. We went out for dinner and he was looking at me, touching my hand, shoulder, smiling and we had a great conversation. He gave me a hug and said,  “I would like to do this again. When are you available?”

After that he would text me but more serious stuff like, “hi, good morning, how are you”, etc. But he was not this playful guy from the start, and he was texting less but still everyday. It was upsetting me that he wouldn't call me and was only texting, so I decided to ignore his texts. 

He was still texting and asking why I was ignoring his texts and he became very persistent to see me. In the meantime, I was leaving the country for a month, and he knew that I was leaving. I decided to text him back saying that I was not ignoring him but that I was busy with work and packing for my trip. He begged to see me for at least a half hour before I left.

We went out for a dinner and had great chemistry. He was saying, "Please come back single, please, please," he meant from my trip. After that night he was so sweet, texting all sweet messages about how he wants a serious relationship with me, etc. 

We talked on Facebook almost every day when I was on my trip. He told me I was the girl he was waiting for you, he was thinking about me every day, he was falling for me, even that he loved me. 

When I came back from my trip we saw each other that night. We had a great connection that night but afterwards still no calling just texting (“hi love, how are you, morning” etc.). He was not making plans to see me or anything. He was not that sweet guy that I saw the night before my trip and during my trip.  I was hurt because he was treating me like that. I wasn't sure where I stood with him. 

So, I treated him the way he was treating me.  If he said something I would respond, but I would never text him first. I stopped responding to his texts after a week. It has been over a month since I heard from him.

Now I miss him. I want to text him and tell him that, but I don't want to get hurt. What do you think I should do?  Was he just playing games with me or does he think that I was not interested in him? (because I never told him that I was falling for him).  I am going crazy thinking about this over and over. What went wrong that last night?



Hi Anna,

I know it can be very frustrating when a guy “seems” to be into you, yet things don’t add up. The fact is that a man who’s really interested in you is going to pick up the phone and call because he wants to hear your voice.  When you get back from a month long trip, he’s going to want to see you as much as possible. When you ignore his texts he will call to find out what happened. Yet he did none of this. When you stopped texting, he eventually did the same.

I don’t know if anything went wrong that night that may have changed things, but it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that he’s not acting like a man who is in love or falling in love.

I predict that he will eventually contact you again – yes, via text.  At that point, if you are still interested, you need to let him know that you are looking for love and this didn’t feel like love, so you preferred to walk away. After that, the ball is in his court. He either steps it up or you’re out. Never stay with someone who isn’t as crazy about you as you are about them.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from her book, Lucia’s Lessons of Love, at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.