Hi Lucia,

I read your article, “How to Make Him Commit” and I agree with you. I always hear people say that when the woman walks away is when he commits. 

My situation is similar. When I speak of doing something that requires me to move, he talks about commitment but has not done it.  The complication here is we have a child together. 

How do I walk away, but allow him to spend time with our child and not feel like he is not warming her up to some other woman?  Elise


Hi Elise,

Talking about commitment and actually making one are two different things.  Men may talk about it in order to placate the woman. They may even buy her a ring in order to keep the peace, yet still have no intention of actually getting married.

Leaving is about loving yourself and your child enough to not want to be with someone who isn’t willing to take your relationship seriously.  I don’t know how old your child is, but keep in mind you are teaching through your actions.  If it’s a girl, you’re teaching her to stay with someone who refuses to make a commitment even when there is a child in the picture.  If it’s a boy, you’re teaching him he can have a child with someone, not commit and the woman will continue to stick around.

You can’t worry about what he will or won’t do.  This isn’t a chess game.  If you no longer want to stay with a non-committal man, then leave and let the chips fall where they may.  He’s either going to pick up the ball or he isn’t.  Either way, you’ll finally have your answer.

Write to Lucia at theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from her book, Lucia’s Lessons of Love, at lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3 p.m. PST on latalkradio.com. Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.