A Woman's Take (By Nicki Spencer)
One of the hardest parts of moving on is that everything around you serves as a reminder your last relationship. Why does the song playing in the bar have to be the same one that played during your first dance with him? Why does the cab driver who takes you home have to share the same name as him? By the time you see someone wearing a t-shirt with the logo of his favorite sports team, you think that the world is messing with your mind. In reality though, it is actually your mind (and your heart) that is messing with the way you see the world. Because when you really think about it, it is not unusual for Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” to be playing at a bar, for a cab driver to also be named John, and for the random man walking on Figueroa to be a Lakers fan.
However, one way to know you are moving on is when these reminders of your ex-lover begin to dwindle. But how do we get to that point? Unfortunately, there is no set recipe for moving on from a relationship, but there are some key ideas that have helped me in the past.
The Crying Time – Right after breaking up with someone, all you really want to do is curl up in your bed, watch TV, and cry. The Crying Time is extremely important because it is when you accept the fact that the relationship is over, and react to that. It is also a time to write emo-poems in your journal, eat Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, take a bubble bath while sipping a glass of wine, and invite your friends over to cook dinner for you. Friends provide a sturdy shoulder to cry on and sometimes they even bring you laughter, which is an impressive feat when your mood is at an all time low.
Disconnect – Do not look at Facebook. Do not text, call, email, or tweet him for a while. I know this is hard to do, and you will probably contact him anyway (been there), however, it is better to disconnect until you are emotionally ready to communicate again.
Exercise – Obviously, exercise provides many physical benefits such as increased energy levels, stronger muscles, a faster metabolism, and of course, a hot body, but it also is a great way to clear your head.
Try A New Activity – Doing something completely new, and completely unrelated to your ex-lover, is a great way to make memories that are 100% your own and not splattered with remnants of a past love. Try mountain biking, cooking, drawing, salsa dancing, or whatever else there is out there. This is also a great way to start meeting new people who have no idea who you were before the ended relationship.
Go Out With Your Friends – Eventually, you will feel ready to hit the town with your friends. This is a good sign! Just be careful to make decisions for the right reasons. Hooking up with someone else does not prove that you are over him.
A Man's Take (By Marvin Vásquez)
Let’s face it. Romantic relationships are complex, particularly because it’s a lot of hard work maintaining one that’s healthy and well balanced. However, that’s not the only thing that’s complicated. Once someone experiences a break up, it might be more difficult to move on from a romance than to actually be in one.
We all have had our ups and downs with our significant others, while being single, and definitely when attempting to move on from a past serious venture. So, if you’re a man undergoing a split, how do you move on? Multiple methods could be utilized, but here are four that can help.
Stay Away From Her
You and her are no longer together for a reason. Keep it that way. Attempting to contact her will be a problem. Many of us are weak sauces, and we try to fix an official break up by acting like if it hasn’t thoroughly gone through. Whether it’s a call that leads to leaving a voicemail or a text message resulting in many more text messages, it becomes more arduous to move on when you act like if it hasn’t happened. This, however, depends on the maturity level each of us sports within. If you stay away from her, you will not think and feel as much of her.
Limit Social Media Viewing
Chances are that the two of you are friends on Facebook, follow each other on Twitter and Instagram, connect with one another on LinkedIn, etc. If it’s a bad break up and you’re truly looking to move on, delete her immediately. If it’s a mutually amicable split, gently and gradually delete her from your social sites. Either or, it must be done. Not doing so will result in you viewing her profiles. That won’t help you move on. In fact, it’ll keep you attached to her.
Take A Guys-Only Getaway
Women do this often. Guys should, as well. Taking a guys-only getaway to a certain location (in-state, out-of-state, out-of-the-country) for some days will significantly benefit you. On top of the trip helping you not think of her as much, it will alleviate your body, heart, mind and soul. Take this time to not only relax, but to digest the split and vent to your friends. Most men believe that it’s to be a party destination – wrong, and truly unnecessary. Use it as a measuring point to begin the next chapter in your life.
They’ll Be There
Before you met and became romantically involved with her, you had school, work, sports, music, extra curricular activities, and friends. But before all of those entities, you had family. There’s no better way to move on from a romance than to spend quality time with the people who love you the most and accept you as who you truly are, and that’s your family. Family activities and certain outings are essential pluses. Relatives are there to listen and not judge you. They’ll always take your side.
There’s no one-guarantee way to move on from a romance, but you have to try and keep experimenting.