I am in love with my professor. He is 27, I am 20. He’s teaching at my university for two more semesters. I won’t approach him now because I couldn’t bear getting him in trouble! But I truly love him!
After he begins teaching at another school, should I tell him how I feel? He is single now, but I’m afraid that won’t be the case for long. I’m just so torn. I love him, and I wish he knew that ... but obviously he can’t know.
Ah yes, young love! One is sure they are in love with someone they barely know. What it is that you like about him? Is it simply because he’s an authority figure, older and/or wiser? You’re projecting your vision of your Prince Charming on him and may find out that he is not like that at all once you get to know him.
If you’re attracted to him (because you can’t be in love with someone you don’t know), then you of course need to wait until he is no longer your professor. In the meantime, you should also try to find out if he’s married or is in a committed relationship, so that you’re not waiting for someone that isn’t available.
I believe that dating in your 40s needs to be treated in a completely different way than in your 20s. What are your thoughts?
I acquiesce! The 20s is a time when you are still growing and maturing. Scientists at the NIH campus in Bethesda, Md., have found that "the executive branch" of the teen brain – the part that weighs risks, makes judgments and controls impulsive behavior isn’t fully mature until age 25.
This is a time to find out what you will or will not put up with in a partner, learn how to set boundaries and compromise. If you want to get married and start a family, then you should only date partners that are good marriage material – although this is often easier said than done.
It’s also the time to cheat and be cheated on, so that you’ll understand both sides of the coin. The 20s is a good time to have your heart broken – it makes you realize how fragile love can sometimes be and makes you humble. This is the when you should make most of your dating mistakes.
If you are dating in your 40s, it usually means you’re divorced and may have a child or two. The priority may no longer be marriage but simply finding a companion with shared interests, who is on the same wavelength mentally and emotionally. If you have kids under 18, they are the priority and shouldn’t be introduced to anyone unless that person is going to be there long term.
By now you’ve made most of your dating mistakes and the drama of relationships should be over. You realize that cheating is not worth it and if you’re not happy you’ll speak up and try to remedy the situation or part on good terms.
I like your column. It seems to resemble the advice my father gave me. He and my mother have been married for 38 years. He told me that if he had to date in contemporary times, he would not discuss any serious relationship matters for the six first months.
Courtship, in his opinion, should be fun and nothing else. I guess he is right. If you have conflict while you are having fun, you sure as hell will not have fun in a quarrel.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net.
Watch Lucia’s show, "The Art of Love," on Adelphia East Valley Public Access on Friday, Jan. 27 at 8 p.m.
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