Q & A

Dear Lucia,

There is a girl I have fallen for badly. She still sees her ex and talks to him even when we would go out. I could not take it so I decided we should stop dating. Now she spends the night at his house.

I still love her deeply. We go to the same college and dorm together. There is no one else I love. She tells me she loves me, but she stills sees him cuz she does not want him moving on. What should I do?

—Lost



Dear Lost,

Love, love, love. You’re throwing that word around as if it gave you a license to be a doormat. Let’s clear one thing up. There is no love without respect, got it?

Would you respect an ex of yours that only saw you so that you couldn’t move on? This girl you’re so in love with may just be using that as an excuse, but why would you be interested in someone that would even entertain such a thought. If she really loved you, she would have no interest in her ex.

Actions speak louder than words. This is not the behavior of someone in love. You did the right thing by getting out. I suggest you start seeing others and try to have as little contact with her as possible. I know it’s difficult but doing the right thing isn’t always easy at first. Eventually, you’ll see you made the right decision.



Hi Lucia,

I had a boyfriend for a year-and-a-half and it was all over three months ago. Our problems started because we had an unwanted pregnancy and I had an abortion. He said that this couldn’t ever happen to us again, that he wouldn’t know what to do if he couldn’t finish medical school.

He has a brother who was also trying to become a doctor and his girlfriend got pregnant and he couldn’t finish medical school. I guess he saw himself in his brother’s shoes. He said that he was scared and that we should break up.

I cried and told him we had to work it out. He tried to explain to me why it was the best thing to do but I still don’t agree. He wrote to me a few weeks ago saying he misses me and that he was remembering the moments we shared, but he didn’t mention getting back together. What are the steps to get him back?

—Ann



Dear Ann,

I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are only thinking of yourself. When we truly love someone, we want him or her to be happy. Right now, he would not be happy dating you because he is scared of another pregnancy.

Fear and love cannot co-exist. Even though he misses you, he has his priorities straight and knows he must do whatever he can to finish school, even if it means not being with you at the moment.

How can you get him back? I believe the only way to do it would be to agree to either not have sex at all or to not have intercourse. I suggest you meet with him and tell him you understand his fears and agree that his school is the priority.



Ask him if he would be willing to get back together under the circumstances I mentioned. I believe he’d probably be willing to get back together if he didn’t have to worry about another unwanted pregnancy.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: http://www.theartoflove.net.

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