Q & A

Dear Lucia,

I have a relationship with a woman player, but I’m kinda falling for her because she is my type. She always says we’re just friends and we’re just getting some from each other.

I feel that she likes me. How can I control her? How can I make her fall in love with me? How can I make her head spin?

—No name

Dear No name,

You want to know how to control her? To quote Frederick Douglass, one of the foremost leaders of the abolitionist movement, “No man can put a chain about the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck.”In other words, if you seek to enslave, you will be enslaved.

It’s already happening. You’re spending time writing to me and sitting around wondering how to make her head spin. Sure, you can always do it by giving her the best sex she’s ever had and then playing “Now you’ll hear from me and now you won’t.”

However, you can’t make a person fall in love with you. All you can ever do is show up, be the best person you can be and let the chips fall where they may.

Dear Lucia,

I am dating a woman that is immature, childish and strongly believes in astrology and feng shui. In almost every conversation she brings up these beliefs. She has never said a nice word to me (honey, sweetheart, love) in the two months we’ve been dating.

She is very disorganized and wants me to pay for “everything” when we go out. She admits to being very spoiled. She is 72 and I am 69, kind and loving.


Dear Anonymous,

If she has so many qualities you dislike, why are you still there? It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You two are simply not a match.

The “kind” and “loving” thing to do would be to let her go, so that she can find someone who doesn’t have a problem with her beliefs, paying for dates, etc.

Dear Lucia,

I cooked a pre-birthday dinner for my guy recently. He was so impressed by my cooking he would not shut up. I’ve cooked for him in the past but never got this much attention.

He called me yesterday to ask me to cook another pan of meat for him. I told him that would cost him $20. He said ok. I’m not going to cook his meat meal this soon. He needs to miss my cooking for at least 30 days or more. Do you agree?

Remember my guy will be 53-years-old next month. I’m 40 and enjoy cooking different meals. Should I wait to cook his meal or go ahead? I’ve never been in a situation or friendship/relationship like this before. —AKS

Dear AKS,

Wow, I’ve never heard of such a thing. Relationships are supposed to be about doing what you can to make the other person happy and they do the same for you.

If he wants to pay for a meal, he can always go to a restaurant. Are you going to charge for sex if he wants to have it more often than you would like? This isn’t about whether you’ve been in this type of relationship before or not. It’s about being a decent person.

If you didn’t want to cook it again so soon, you should have just said so. Whereas most guys would have thought you were crazy, since he actually agreed to it, I guess you two are a match!

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: .

Lucia will be live on “Understanding Women: For Men Only” ( on Sunday, April 16 from 8-9 a.m.

The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose Ave.