Emotionally Unavailable – In her book, Emotional Unavailability , author Bryn C. Collins says that we are all emotionally not available to a degree. The key is to find someone close to your level. If you are only 10 percent unavailable, dating someone that is 50 percent unavailable will drive you crazy.

You need to determine what your partner's percentage is and what the likelihood of that number being lowered is. If it's high because they were burnt in a recent relationship, then it may be a matter of building trust, letting them know you understand their pain and will not hurt them.

If however, the reason is due to childhood trauma that has not been dealt with, and they are not willing to get help, then you need to move on. You're not in a relationship to play psychologist.

Internet – How often are they on the net? Do they check their email once a week, once a day or eight times a day? Are they in chat rooms, on MySpace and dating or porn sites? Many marriages and relationships have broken up because someone forged a new “friendship” with someone they met online.

Personally, I prefer someone that is only on the net for a limited amount of time, in order to check email, read the news, etc. If however, you don't mind someone that lives on their computer, even when you're over at their place, that's your choice. Just remember that it may not all be innocent activity.

Friends – How many friends do they have of the opposite sex and how often do they see them, talk on the phone, email, etc? How many of those friends are people they used to date? Are you sure they're “just friends” or is it hard to tell? Do they invite you to go along if they get together or are you always excluded? On the other hand, if someone doesn't have any friends of the opposite sex, it may mean they don't trust them.

Do they always put their friends (male and female) before you, even if you're exclusive? When you meet someone and you ask them what they did last weekend, do they use the word “We” instead of “I”, as in, “I hung out with my friends. First we met for drinks, then we went to a house party, then we … ”. This is someone who's tied at the hip to his friends and probably won't be ready for a committed relationship anytime soon.

Affection – Are you a touchy-feely type of person? Do you like to cuddle, snuggle and “canoodle”? Do you like to hold hands, sit close on the couch, put your feet on your partner's lap while they massage them? Then please contact me! Ha. Ha.

If this sounds like you, then you need to be with someone that is comfortable with this level of affection. Even if you're willing to put up with less in the beginning, when you are still blinded by love, eventually you will begin to resent not getting the affection you want.

Unfortunately, there are actually people that are not comfortable with this much physical closeness. I always like to put my feet (they're clean) in a guy's lap to see his reaction. Most will caress or massage them.

The one guy that just ignored them turned out to be the one that was bad in bed and immature about the breakup that followed. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .

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