I've been seeing a guy for four months. He expressed his feelings for me on the third date and has called me his GF since the first month. I feel that is too fast and wonder if his feelings are true if they came so quickly.
We've talked about this and I think I should slow it down. I can't call someone my boyfriend until I have an idea of who they are. I feel uncomfortable going beyond hugs, handholding and brief kisses unless it's with a boyfriend who I've known for a long time (six to 12 months).
I admire the fact that in a world where women are giving it up by the third date, you are willing to wait to find out whom you're dealing with. Behavior patterns don't usually start to emerge until after three months. You will save yourself a lot of time, energy and needless heartache.
I agree that someone that is willing to rush in so quickly is just as likely to rush out. No one ever regretted going too slow in a relationship, but everyone has had regrets about going too fast. Let your feelings be your guide.
Take as long as you want. If his feelings are true, he'll wait. If not, you haven't lost anything.
I've been seeing this guy casually for the last six months. Recently he went back home to his country for a visit. He emailed me and said he had shown my MySpace page to his friends.
Why do you think he did that? Is it because he likes me, is proud of me and wants to show me off? If so, show me off for what? He might just be saying ... look, this is the girl I'm doing.
You are analyzing this too much. Who knows what the reason is? Just be happy that he did it. You're looking for a guarantee that he likes you, wants to be with you and you will live happily ever after. That's not possible.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. That's what makes it so precious. Instead, put this energy into other parts of your life and one day you will be so busy and happy that you won't need to over-analyze.
What does fine-tuning mean in a relationship? I think we ironed out all the kinks. When we get together for an all day event, we don't argue or disagree about anything. I feel like I'm falling more in like/love with him as the months go by.
The official definition of fine-tuning is: To make small adjustments for optimal performance or effectiveness. In a relationship, this means that you learn what the other person's likes and dislikes are and work within those parameters. If you know your partner hates it when you're late, you try not to do that. If they don't like to eat in noisy restaurants, you don't insist on going to one.
However, keep in mind that just because you don't argue or disagree that everything is going smoothly. When couples say they never fight, that's a red flag. It usually means one of them is being a doormat and going along with whatever the other person wants just to keep the peace and be liked.
Everyone has his or her breaking point, and sooner or later the truth will come out. Better to deal with things as they come up rather than let resentment build.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .
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