When a woman you're dating says sex is not important to her, what is she truly saying? She says we do not need sex to prove how we feel about each other.
She is right, but I love to be sexually active with her but she makes me jump through many hoops before being intimate with me. I think there's more to what she's saying.
—Walter
Dear Walter,
Darling, there is always more to what a woman is saying. We rarely come right out and tell you the truth if we think you'll be upset. When someone says sex is not important to them, they have not finished the sentence. The last part of the statement is, “ with you .”
For some reason, she doesn't find sex with you all that pleasant or exciting and therefore is trying to avoid it as much as possible. I suggest you have an honest discussion with her and find out what you can do to make it better.
Dear Lucia,
I am dating a 37-year-old woman who I feel is leading me on ... she always text messages me but never calls. It seems as though if I don't call her, she won't stay interested.
How can I find out from this woman what she is wants from me. I want something serious! I don't know how I should be to get her! I am 29 and have always dated older woman.
—Louis
Dear Louis,
Ah yes, text messages – a double-edged sword. They're great for a quick communication when you can't talk and great way to avoid someone if you don't want to talk.
Since she is in her late 30s, I'm assuming she is more traditional and wants to let the man do the pursuing. She's willing to show interest with the messages, but expects you to be the man and do the calling.
What does she want from you? What every woman wants from a man – confidence and a bit of a challenge. This is how you “should be.” She probably senses your over-eagerness and lack of confidence. These are never attractive qualities in either men or women. Cultivate these traits and keep me posted.
Dear Lucia,
I'm 26 and met a girl online who's 19 and lives in another city. She is giving me this story about how busy she is – she just got out of a relationship 10 months ago and she's not ready for a relationship. I've told her that I'm not looking to pressure her that I just want to get to know her better.
She told me that it's rare when she opens up to someone and that a person should feel happy that she opens up. However, anytime I try to get to know her, she gets defensive. We agreed to be friends and take it slow. Am I wasting my time here?
—Andrew
Dear Andrew,
Here's the bottom line: If a girl is interested in a guy, she's only too happy to talk about herself and answer any questions he may have. If not, she will only give information the way they do in the military – on a need to know basis.
You can be friends, if you would be happy with that in the long term. However, once a woman sees you as a friend, it's very difficult to turn that into romantic attraction. There's too many things working against you here – her age, the distance and her disinterest. I suggest you look for someone closer to home.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .
Watch Lucia's show, “The Art of Love,” on Adelphia Public Access on Friday, May 19 at 8:30 p.m.
The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose Ave.
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