I've been dating a man for two-and-a-half months. He has a demanding government job, which requires extensive travel during election season, so his time is extremely limited. He said that he was hesitant to ask me out because of his job. We agreed to keep it casual for the time being.
We have not slept together. We have not had a date in three weeks. He just told me that he will be traveling for two months, and that he was sorry that we haven't been able to hang out.
Should I talk to him about my feelings or just give up? Has he lost interest or is he taking this very slow?
—Sophie
Dear Sophie,
Since I don't have my crystal ball today I can't tell you if he's lost interest or not, but I do know one thing and it is that following the typical female route of “talking about your feelings” is just going to push him away further. He already has the pressure of his job, he doesn't need more pressure from a relationship that should be a place where he can relax, not be more stressed.
Of course you're entitled to your feelings, but that doesn't mean you need to express them at this point in your dating relationship. You're supposed to be taking it slow, remember. This means, going with the flow and not pushing for things to happen or asking for explanations when things aren't happening as fast as you would like.
If you leave them alone, most men eventually return on their own. Most women never get to experience this because when men start to exhibit behavior that could be interpreted as “pulling away,” they chase after them.
To take a page from the book How to Make a Man Behave in 21 Days or Less Using the Secrets of Professional Dog Trainers, “If your dog is running away from you, the worst thing you can do is chase after him. He'll only run faster. Instead, remain calm. Act like you're having loads of fun without him. Soon he'll be trotting eagerly back.”
Keep dating other guys, and who knows, when he's back in two months, you may not even be interested any more.
Dear Lucia,
I started dating this guy a few months ago and he was a jerk! I didn't feel important and was always pushed to the side. Then I met another man and went on a date with him (he is five years younger than me). He hardly calls and sometimes I wonder if he has a girlfriend. He is an hour away, but the chemistry we have is undeniable.
The other guy I was dating called recently. I was lonely so we hung out. He is being so sweet and trying so hard to get me back. Do I fall for it or take my chances of being played by the younger guy?
—Jodie
Dear Jodie
It sounds like you want to make a choice between the lesser of two evils. OK, maybe it's not that bad, but neither one of them sounds like a good bet for a long term relationship, if that's what you're interested in.
Why not date both and let the guys be the ones to exclude themselves through their behavior? Sooner or later, one or both of them will either mess up or do something so wonderful that the choice will be evident. At this point though, neither one sounds like such a great catch.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net.
The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose Ave.
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