Hi Lucia,

I'm in a situation where I need to know if I should stay or go with this friendship/relationship. Five weeks ago he called and asked me to take out a loan for $1,000. I could not believe it. He's trying to pimp me, I said to myself.

I told him no. He blew up my phone because I did not do what he asked. I told him I'm 40-years-old and I don't have any outstanding debt. I'm a homeowner, a single mom with two girls ages 19 and 16. I paid off three credit cards and my Honda. He knows now that I have good credit and extra money.

He filed for chapter 13 last year. He cursed me out for not following his plan when it came to my money. I said, “Your plan? This is my money to do whatever.” Is this the kinda guy a woman should keep a friendship/relationship with?


Dear A.K.S.

Your letter is a bit scary (OK, it's very scary) because you have been alive for four decades, have two teenagers and still need to ask whether it's okay to keep this “kinda” guy around. Sure, as a booty call.

I want everyone reading this to listen up: Never, ever lend someone you're dating more than a few hundred dollars at a time. I'm willing to allow this small amount of money because I understand things happen. However, don't let the amount build up. If they get an attitude about it, that's a big, red flag.

He is obviously fiscally irresponsible, so how could you trust him to ever pay you back? And then he curses you out because you're not his puppy dog doing whatever he wants? Someone using profanity towards you is always a red flag, but in this situation, I think it's a black flag!

I suggest you cut off all communication with this loser immediately and permanently. Nothing good can come out of having him in your life, not to mention the fact that you will be setting a very bad example for your daughters.

I've made a lot of mistakes with dating and relationships, but I never made the mistake of lending a guy too much money (and $1,000 is too much, unless you're a millionaire). My fear of not having enough money has always been greater than my fear of not having a guy. May I suggest you adopt my attitude and you will never be ripped off.

Dear Lucia,

You answered my question regarding Internet dating in a previous column ( Campus C ircle , August 9). You made a very good observation – I am new to online dating.

I'm very eager to get into a relationship and I feel I have been choosing the wrong women. The girl I e-mailed has not read my message and that's perfectly okay because I now know what I am looking for in a relationship.

I agree about the objectivity and the last thing I ever what to do is “cling” or show my eagerness. I thank you for your advice and will abide by it. Dating is so much like a job interview but I feel I have the new tools to succeed and thanks to experts like you, I will go places and one day have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.


Dear Jasper,

Thanks so much for writing in. Glad I was able to shed new light on your situation.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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