I've been out with a girl I like on two dates. She sent me an e-mail stating that her ex-boyfriend will be coming into town and that she is working through some issues with him.
She said she is not interested in dating right now, that it would not be fair to get anyone mixed up in her emotional roller coaster. Her last note was that she would love to hang out with me.
Is she testing me? I am going to give her space and hope she chooses me. Good or bad?
—Jeremy
Dear Jeremy,
Good, very good, although I doubt it. Whether she's testing you or not is not the issue. You need to do the right thing for you, which is to back off until she is done with the previous relationship. If she hasn't made a clean break and you continue to date, eventually it will come back to bite both of you in the butt!
Hang out as friends, with no expectations. When she is ready to move on, she will, and in the meantime, you will have established a great foundation of friendship.
Dear Lucia,
Can a long distance relationship work out if two people really, really love each other?
—Candace
Dear Candace,
It depends on several other factors. If the relationship is to progress, one of you will eventually have to move. Are one or both of you willing to do that?
There is also the question of dealing with the loneliness of not having the person in the same city and this sometimes leads to giving in to temptation. Are you both mature enough to handle being without each other for long periods of time?
If the answer to both questions I've asked is yes, then the relationship has a chance of working out.
Dear Lucia,
Your column really helped me out today! I've been dating this guy for about nine months. We've been attached since day one. The sad thing about our relationship is that it is more of a friendship than a “love thing.”
We have so much fun together and many times I want it to be a “love thing.” Deep down inside I know that he doesn't really want the same thing. I know that he cares and possibly even loves me but not the way it should be, especially if we decide to go further.
I've had many guys approach me and some of them I find very interesting. There is one guy that truly stands out. However, I really want to see how far things will go with the guy I am with before I even consider moving on.
Lately he's been distant, short, grumpy and unaffectionate. He wasn't a touchy feely guy from the start but it's worse. I've been telling myself not to give up on “us” especially now that things are not as sweet but it is hard.
I've tried to express my feelings to him on many occasions. He says he understands and he will do better. He's better for 24 hours and then it's back to where we were. I felt as if he was losing interest in me … in us. I wanted to chase him because I felt it would help the situation.
After reading your column, I realize that I should relax and go with the flow. I realize that things will work themselves out if I just step back. Thank you.
—Nichelle
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .
The Art of Love is sponsored by: Twisted Elegance Boutique, 7407 and 7560 Melrose Ave.
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