Q & A

Dear Lucia,

I haven't seen my childhood sweetheart in 15 years. Recently I heard about him through his cousin. I was really excited and my feelings for him still remain.

I've tried to call him three times now. He said he'd get back to me the last time I spoke to him but he didn't. Is it OK if call him again? Is he still interested in me?

He had a bad relationship with a girl and after that relationship he never tried to go for another relationship. I still like him. What will I do?


Dear Yersinia,

What will you do? Leave the guy alone for God's sake! It's OK to be aggressive in the job market, but when it comes to dating, less is more.

Why is it that the common mentality seems to be that it's OK to be pushy, just because you like someone? It comes across as desperate and who wants to be with someone like that?

No one wants to feel as if they were prey being hunted. He has your number; he knows where to find you if he wants to. Otherwise, keep it moving.

Dear Lucia,

I had a massive fight with my man and accused him of something really stupid that I know in my heart he isn't capable of. He flew off the handle and stormed out of my house. The next day I made the 30-minute journey to his house to apologize and he wouldn't let me in.

I have tried texting and calling. I even tried leaving him alone for a week so he could calm down. I've written him a letter and given that to him, telling him why I said what I did but still no response.

It's been three weeks. Why won't he respond?


Dear Candace,

There could be several reasons why he's reacting this way:

• This was the last straw and he's done

• He doesn't think your apology is sincere

• He wants to punish you

• Any combination thereof

The fact that he still won't speak to you after three weeks concerns me. Someone that loves you will not keep you in limbo for that amount of time if they're upset with you. Love means you care about another person's feelings as much as you care about your own.

His lengthy silence tells me his pride and hurt feelings are more important to him than you. At this point, unless he's decided it's over, he's over-reacting. Now it's about punishing you so that you feel as much pain as he did.

Even if you do get back together, you need to discuss how you resolve conflicts in the future, because if he really cares about you, then his behavior is disrespectful.

I would suggest contacting him one more time and saying something like this: “I've tried to contact you and apologize many times but you refuse to accept my apology. I don't want to bother you any more. This will be my last communication. If you would like to contact me, my door is always open. If not, then I wish you well.”

Keep your word and don't try to get in touch with him again, no matter what!

Someone I was upset with left a similar message for me and when I heard it, my heart melted. I hope this will have the same effect on your man.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .

Watch Lucia's show, “The Art of Love,” on Time Warner (formerly Adelphia channels 43, 77 or 98) on Thursday, Oct. 5 at 8 p.m.

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