I should know the answer to this one, but here goes. I am 36, my boyfriend is 28 and I am five months pregnant. He is not very attentive – never a flower or suggestion to go out, not even for a walk. He used to and now not at all.
I found him looking up profiles on yahoo and MySpace. I asked and he lied and said he wasn't even online. When I asked again, he admitted he was. We don't live together, but I go over often. He almost never wants to come here.
Can he be trusted? I don't want to go through lies. I like a lot of company and just to know that my partner is there as I would be and am. This isn't a good thing I think.
Should I just break it off? How do I know if he can be a man? I have two other children, ages 15 and 18.
—Melanie
Dear Melanie,
What a mess! Not only is the father of your unborn child a boy, not a man, but he is not interested in having a relationship with you and probably won't want to have one with the child. Yet another baby born on planet earth without a father. Great.
Consider this: If you were up in heaven waiting to be born, would you choose to be born into a loving, two parent family or the situation you've created? If you're being honest with yourself, you'll choose the former.
Too bad your unborn child won't have that privilege. I don't know what the situations were when you had your other children, but didn't becoming a mother at 18 teach you anything?
How many clues do you need that this guy is not relationship material, never mind father material? He lies to you, doesn't want to come to your place, probably tolerates you going to see him, looks for other women online and you want to know if you should break it off?
There's nothing to break off! There's nothing here. Your so-called relationship is a house of cards – it could topple over at any moment.
Only girls are interested in being with boys. Even though you're 36, you're still immature. It's time to grow up and start setting a good example for your children, otherwise, they will follow your lead and end up being parents at 18 just like you.
You may think I'm being tough on you, but this answer isn't only for your benefit. I hope to reach everyone reading this so they'll think twice about creating similar circumstances.
Hi Lucia,
How long should you date before that first kiss? I've been dating this guy going on four weeks now. He kissed me on my forehead a week ago.
I thought that was special because it means he adores me. I want to take this friendship slow by waiting at least three months to become sexually involved.
—Aesha
Dear Aesha,
If you're a woman, you should only have your first kiss when you feel like you want to. However, let the guy initiate. If he tries to kiss you on the first date and you prefer to be more demure, turn your cheek but be sure to let him know you had a good time.
I think people move too fast to the physical part of a relationship and it's almost expected that there be a passionate kiss on the first date. How about some anticipation? Don't follow the crowd and do it just because it's expected.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .
Watch Lucia's show, “The Art of Love,” on West Hollywood Public Access (channel 36) on Wednesday, Oct. 18 at 10 p.m.
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