I hate to do this to you, but I'll have to give you the question without the answer for this week. I have a limited amount of space and felt that the details and questions being asked in the letter below all needed to be included because the situation this woman is writing about happens often.
The answer will be in next week's issue. Thanks for your understanding.
I've been involved with a guy for the past five months. I am 35 and he's 38. In the beginning I held back and wasn't even sure about him as he wanted more from me – more of my time, more interest, more initiating.
He once said, “If I turn 40 and I'm still single I'm going to be depressed.” He said he wanted marriage and children, which is part of why I moved forward with him.
We became exclusive about six weeks ago (after three months). He's always been super affectionate and seemed to really be into me. At the same time, his communication skills are terrible (barely exist) and he isn't very forthcoming with speaking his emotions and thoughts. He can be passive-aggressive but I thought he was getting better.
Over the past few weeks, I began vocalizing some expectations/requests (nothing too huge, such as communicating certain things to me that a boyfriend would). I also began wanting to spend more time together. I wanted to see the relationship moving a bit more (remember, this is the guy that pushed for this).
Several weeks ago I planned on having a serious discussion with him about some things that were bothering me after a show we had tickets for. He hugged me tight at the show and said something about me being the way to his heart. That night there was also an incident that involved retrieving my lost purse and I got a bit snippy with him. Afterwards he became very distant and irritable.
After the show we went back to my place and I began the conversation. Out of nowhere he told me that he had been thinking the past few weeks that he wasn't prepared for a committed relationship with me and we should date others but still wanted to see me and see what happens. He said we had a good thing and he liked spending time with me.
I was truly in shock – never expected this. It was a brief chat because what else is there to say after that. I asked if it was about his feelings for me (or lack there of) and he said no. He said we could talk more about it the next day but I said, “What else is there to talk about?”
I was so hurt. He asked if he should leave and I said yes. He leaned over to kiss me on the mouth, but I turned away. He seemed upset but as usual not good at communicating how he was feeling.
It has now been over two weeks and not a word from him. I've noticed he's active on an Internet dating site. I've been reading about passive-aggressive men. They resent expectations which I had more of lately.
Do you think that my getting bitchy that night may have triggered something and maybe dumping me was his “pay back?” I feel like someone pulled the rug out from under me. What happened?
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .