Dear Alicia,

You're right. Someone did pull the rug out from under you and that person was … you!

When you agreed to be exclusive, you changed your behavior almost immediately. You thought being the girlfriend gave you the right to start vocalizing expectations and wanting to spend more time together. This is where you began to dig your own grave.

From the tone of your letter, I can tell that the way you communicated your expectations probably came across more like a demand. They may have seemed “nothing too huge” to you , but maybe they were huge to him .

Who are you to decide what a boyfriend should or should not communicate at such an early stage of the relationship? Most guys are not big on talking about thoughts and feelings. If anything, I think he did express himself by saying he wanted to be married by 40, that you were the way to his heart and probably a lot of other things which were not necessary to include in your e-mail.

Your second mistake was trying to move things along. A relationship can only travel as fast as the slowest person in it. If you want to go 50mph but your partner only wants to go 20mph, it will go at his speed, not yours. Women need to understand that men always seek to rush things at the beginning, and once they're more sure of you, they slow down.

The solution: don't let yourself be rushed. If you slow things down in the beginning and keep them there, a guy isn't going to try to slow things down once you've made a commitment, because you're not going too fast to begin with.

One of the best ways to do this is to only see each other once or twice a week for the first three to six months. In her book, Being a Woman , Dr. Toni says a woman should never ask for time, affection or sex. I wholeheartedly agree – it's demeaning. By taking things slowly, the guy will be the one asking for more time, more affection and more sex.

You were less than two months into being exclusive and you felt you had to scold him, which is what your “plan on having a serious discussion with him” really was. The first six months of a relationship should be about having fun together. Your job is to show up and look good, sound good, feel good and smell good – not nitpick at things not going the way you think they should go.

On top of that, you being bitchy with him at the show was probably the last straw. He saw the woman he was so into start to turn into someone else. He's serious about wanting a wife, not just a casual relationship, so he's not going to put up with that type of behavior.

You said his communication skills are terrible and he's passive-aggressive. If you really believe that, then why would you want to be with him at all? Could it not be possible that he's just being a guy? Remember, men don't discuss things the way your girlfriends do.

If you agree with what I'm saying and you want to try to save this, I suggest you send him an e-mail taking responsibility for your actions, apologizing and saying you would like to try again. Ask him to give you an answer either way, so you will know that he received the e-mail, even if he's decided to move on.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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