Dear Lucia,
My partner of over a month is very cold and distant. It's understandable, he got very hurt in the past.
He doesn't trust enough to show affection (holding me, hugs and kisses), and I need affection.
—Joan
Dear Joan,
Oh, the poor baby, he's been hurt. Join the club – we've all been hurt. I can understand wanting to take things slow but if after a month there isn't at least some affection, then either he's not that into you or he's got major issues.
Showing affection comes naturally when you have feelings for someone. If you want to keep seeing him, I suggest you also see other guys and if he doesn't loosen up in a few months, move on!
Hi Lucia,
I'm 33 and my boyfriend is 28. We had been dating for nine months but certain of his immaturities (i.e., putting his friends before me) broke the camel's back.
We broke-up and shortly afterwards I went on an overseas trip for a month with no cell phone. Upon my return I found out that he had been trying to reach me.
When we finally met up, he told me that during the time we had been apart, he realized how no woman would have wanted to deal with his “friends first” attitude. He really thought we had something special and that we should try again.
I told him: I'm 33. I'm over these stupid games, I want a family and a strong stable relationship. If you don't want that, let's not try again. He assured me that's what he wanted too.
Things are going great and we are now talking about living together, but I'm scared that this will not work out and his age will someday come to bite me in the butt. Last month on the day he gave his landlord notice, I freaked out and created a big fight.
He took it back and said since I wasn't ready we could wait until I am. Do you think he's too young to make a serious commitment at 28?
—Sarah
Dear Sarah,
There are men 10 years older than your guy that still aren't ready for a commitment. On the other hand, I've known guys in their mid-20s that were mature enough to get serious.
So it's not the date on the calendar that counts, but what's going on in his head. If he's sown his wild oats, is financially stable (meaning he has a steady job and a decent credit score) and is focused on his career, there's no reason to believe his age will come back to bite you.
Do you think that maybe you might not be ready? It's interesting that you would freak out when things were about to move to the next level. If you're not 99 percent (because you're never 100 percent) sure that he is The One, then keep dating and see what happens.
If he's too young for a serious commitment, it will become evident soon enough.
Dear Lucia,
I've been dating a man for one-and-a-half months. I have not been over to his place yet.
He said he wants it to look nice like mine before he invites me over. What do you think?
—A.S.
Dear A.S.,
I think it's always a bad sign when someone you're dating won't have you over to their place. Yes, it's possible that he's not proud of his home or, it could be something else, like another woman. Don't hand over your heart and/or body to anyone until you've been to their place!
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .
“The Art of Love” will air on Time Warner East Valley (channel 25) on Thursday, Nov. 16 at 8:30 p.m. The topic: Are They Good in Bed?
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