Dear Lucia,

I have just gotten out of a relationship with a man who never let me go to his home. I met “G” in my neighborhood when I was working at a restaurant years ago and then bumped into him about four months ago.

We had sex within about two weeks, after having coffee several times. He's taken me to Santa Barbara, Palm Springs and Mexico. I flipped out on him one night in Mexico after we had sex. He said we were leaving and I felt used.

G would go on trips and disappear with no calls for a week or two. He told me he would not bring me over to his place because he lived with his personal assistant. He said that she cooked for him and that I would be uncomfortable.

We discussed him being my boyfriend after he was on another business trip for a week. He expressed that he would like me to call him because I never do, so I started to.

G and I talked daily for three days when I was out of town recently. He said he could not pick me up at the airport because he had a business dinner but would pay for my cab if I could not get a ride.

He also said how much he missed the sex. Most of our conversations were usually about him missing my pussy. He said he would come over late the night I got home, but he never called.

We had a date for the following Saturday. By 1 p.m. that day he hadn't called and when I left him a message I saw him driving down the street.

I called him and got very agitated and upset. I asked if we were on for our date but he said he was having a bladder infection. I got really upset and we agreed to meet for coffee and talk.

I asked him, “Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable if you had not been to my apt?” I told G after almost five months, and it still bothered me that he had no response. We went back to my place that day, had sex and he went home. By the way, we never used condoms, which is unusual for me.

We did go out that night but by the end of the evening he told me he would not be staying over. He dropped me off and it was the first time he didn't come in.

I called him the following Monday and he said he was having coffee with someone and would call me later. He never called. I was very upset and depressed and called him, telling him I missed him. He never called back.

A week later I saw G as I walked into a coffee shop. I looked over, said, “Hi” and went into the restroom. When I walked by him on my way out, I looked at him and didn't say hello. He didn't say anything and I kept walking.

I am usually the one who says hello and goes back to him after not seeing him for a while. It ended as soon as he did not return my call. I feel I pushed him away but my therapist believes he was never really there. What are your thoughts?


My answer will be in the next issue.

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