I was very calm and went about my business in the kitchen, while he stood there trying to lie his way out of it. After a few minutes I waved my hand and said, “Go away. I'm busy.” His response, “I'll see you later.”
Me: No you won't.
Him: So it's over?
What if you catch your partner in the act? My suggestion is that you say and do nothing. Simply look them in the eye, with no expression, then turn and walk away.
I know 99 percent of you reading this are not going to be able to do it, but if you really want to know the truth, you need to let them show you what it is, either through their actions or non-actions. Losing control by yelling and causing a scene is never attractive, even if you feel justified.
Put yourself in their shoes. If you were the one cheating, even though you still had feelings for your partner, which reaction would shake you up more? Which reaction would you respect more?
When you freak out, you're actually trying to bully and manipulate your partner into reacting in a way that will assure you that they still care for you. You're like a child having a temper tantrum in order to get the attention you don't feel you're getting.
You're also giving their ego a big boost. Your actions are saying: you are so important to me that I am willing to lose control and act temporarily insane. You have that much power over me.
That's why saying nothing and walking away is a better reaction. As we learned from “Cheaters,” they are more likely to be apologetic and want to work things out (if that's what you want) if you remain calm.
By not having to defend themselves against your tirade, you give them the space to get in touch with their true feelings for you and your relationship. Not to mention the fact that their respect for you will rise immensely, since it takes strength to just walk away. We all want to be with someone that is emotionally strong.
Even if they've run after you and pleaded to talk to you, that is not the time to talk. You need to get over the shock of your discovery and they need to think about what they've done. You now need to be “incommunicado.”
The reason for this is because when people think they've lost someone that was important to them, their true feelings come out. It's the old, “Don't know what you've got till it's gone.”
If they care, they will do whatever they have to, to get you back. If they don't, they won't and you're better off without them. Don't take their calls or answer the door until you're convinced that they're ready to be honest. Leave them wondering for at least a week or two.
If it does turn out that your partner had already moved on, but neglected to tell you, at least you walk away with your dignity, if you don't freak out. Why give them proof that their decision to leave was right, by acting like a psycho?
If you cause a scene, you will forever be in their relationship hall of shame. If you walk away with your head held high, you will forever be in their relationship hall of fame.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net .