Dear Lucia,

I recently took your advice and confronted my boyfriend about his dating service e-mails that I found. You would think that he would have told me that he was just looking or anything.

Instead he said, “I did not e-mail anyone.” He completely denied the whole thing. He also challenged me to prove it.

Why is it that men have a hard time telling the truth? I am so hurt and just want to tell him to get lost. He should be a man and tell the truth.

Now the next question to answer for myself is should he stay or go?


Dear Dale,

It's not that men have a hard time telling the truth. Your man has a hard time. Actually, it's not that he has a hard time, he just doesn't want to. He doesn't respect you and he figures he can get away with it.

The question is not, “Should he stay or go?” it's “Should you stay or go?” The answer to that question is yet another question, which is, “Is this how you want to live for the next 40 years?

Do you want to constantly be wondering if he's lying? Do you want to constantly be wondering if he's meeting women online? If not, then move on, and don't look back.

Hi Lucia,

I've been dating my new male friend for two-and-a-half months. He's 43-years-old and I'm 40. We started kissing two weeks ago. I told him I'm not comfortable French kissing this early in the friendship/relationship. We kiss open mouth with no tongue.

I'm OK with French kissing but I don't want him to think I'm seducing him to the bedroom for more. We both are taking our time getting to know one another.

He was over yesterday evening and we lay across my king-size bed (with clothes on) and talked for an hour about a little of everything. He really makes me feel so special by not trying to make a sex move. When is the right time to tongue kiss?


Dear Aesha,

The right time to tongue kiss is the same as the right time to cuddle, snuggle, hold hands, or have sex and that is: When you feel comfortable doing it. Don't do something just because you are following a timeline.

In a physical relationship, a woman should only move to the next stage when she feels totally comfortable doing so. Oftentimes, instead of listening to our intuition, we listen to our mind telling us to do something our body isn't ready for.

Follow your gut. If a guy is interested, not being physical with him on his timeline will not drive him away. If a guy only has a physical attraction, not being physical with him on his timeline will drive him away, and that's a good thing.

Dear Lucia,

You responded to my e-mail in a recent column (How to be a Doormat). You hit the nail on the head.

Since I wrote you, I walked away and went back again. The same thing happened – sex, three great dates and then no calls in two weeks.

I have emotionally walked away. I want to get married, so I am going to hold back for the right one and not give in too easy. That is over with. My work and my life are so much more important.

Thank you. You are amazing and I have total respect for the work you do.


Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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