How can I find out if my partner is cheating if I am in a long distance relationship? What signs can I look for without looking like a fool?
She has male friends and she isn't going to give them up. She insists there is nothing going on.
However, her behavior is strange because she goes to WalMart in the middle of the night after getting me out of the way. She says one thing and does another.
—Anthony
Dear Anthony,
Yours is a perfect example of why I don't recommend long distance relationships for people under 40. By then, you're mature enough to know that there's no point wasting time in a relationship if you're going to cheat. I'm willing to bet you're both in your 20s.
The only way to really know is to hire a private investigator, but if you have such distrust for your partner that you need to take such a drastic action, then it's time to go.
My rule on suspicion is that if you think someone is cheating, they probably are. Unless you're paranoid, if they start to exhibit what you call “strange behavior,” there's probably something going on.
Do you remember that song by C&C Music Factory called, “Things That Make You Go Hmm”? Besides reading the lyrics, I suggest that anytime someone you're in a relationship with does something that makes you go “hmm” that you pay attention to that gut feeling.
You need to find someone to date closer to home that doesn't say one thing and do another. If you want to keep Miss WalMart around, treat this as a casual relationship.
Hello Lucia,
I'm a 20-year-old male who's in a great sexual relationship with a very sexy and gorgeous 39-year-old woman. We're not boyfriend/girlfriend, but just hanging out.
Do you think this will hurt me later on when I move past her, if we don't create a real, full relationship? I don't want to have a hard time adjusting down the road with someone closer to my age.
—Joe
Dear Joe,
I hate to tell you, but you will not be a typical young adult once this relationship is over. You've now gotten a taste of what it's like to have great sex with someone that is experience and uninhibited.
It's like eating spaghetti at a fine, Italian restaurant and then trying to get used to eating Spaghetti-Os. I don't think so.
You're also now used to dealing with a mature woman, where there is little to no drama and the conversations are deeper than with someone your age. Most girls in their 20s either don't have the confidence and/or experience to be up to par sexually with a more mature woman.
To quote from the book, Older Women, Younger Men , Tom, age 25, says of his 46-year-old lover: “After being with Claudia for five years, I was ruined. I couldn't stand talking to a young woman all night. They were all so empty compared to Claudia.”
However, having said this, that is no reason to feel you have to have a “full relationship” with this woman if you don't want to. In fact, I wouldn't even recommend it.
It is what it is – a great sexual relationship. Enjoy it while it lasts, the future will take care of itself. Who knows, you may find you prefer older women after all, and won't be interested in girls your own age.
REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www .theartoflove.net .
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