I recently started seeing a guy. At first, he was the best. He would text me every other day, and if he had an unexpected day off from work, he would call and ask me to do something.
About a week ago, I could feel him pulling away (he wouldn't text back so quickly or instead of returning a call right away, he would e-mail me when he got home). I texted him on Sunday to say hello and that we should get together this week. He wrote back: Sounds great! That was his standard response when we were going to do something.
I haven't heard back from him since. We went out for about four weeks, and luckily I didn't have sex with him. I wasn't really into him, but I thought, I'll give this guy a chance because he's so nice.
I am really disappointed in his behavior. If he doesn't want to see me anymore, I would have expected that he at least call me, not just flake out altogether. He was a real gentleman from day one, and now this.
—Candace
Dear Candace,
This proves my theory that those who are willing to rush in will be just as willing to rush out. I know the movies and TV have us brainwashed to think that it's romantic when someone we hardly know starts to text every other day and wants to spend all their free time with us, but it's generally a big, red flag. They're more in love with the idea of love than the actual person, because it's too soon for anyone to really know whom they're dealing with.
You said you're not really into him so this is more about your ego being bruised than anything else. You said you'd give this guy a chance – you did. It didn't work out, move on.
Dear Lucia,
Is it OK for males to give themselves wholeheartedly or do we have to keep our guard up in fear of being hurt? Are we asking too much or are a majority of women giving too little?
Is it OK for us to believe that there are still good girls out there or should we accept that this is the way it's gonna be? Is it still OK for us to believe in unconditional love or should we just forget about that and become cold and bitter?
If we cook, clean and cater to all of your emotional, spiritual and physical needs, is that enough or is there something that we're missing?
—Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
The answer to your question can be found in your last statement : “If we cook, clean and cater to all of your emotional, spiritual and physical needs, is that enough or is there something that we're missing?” When you cater to someone's every need, especially if you do it too soon, you create a monster.
Both men and women will be on their best behavior if they know they still haven't totally won you over. It's just the way we're made – we need motivation. Having every need catered to takes that away, people get bored, start to take the other person for granted, etc.
No one, either male or female, is inherently good or bad. They will both behave differently with different people because it's true that people teach us how to treat them. Instead of looking for the “good” girl, it's your job to bring that out in her by walking that fine line between being a nice guy/girl and a jerk/bitch.
Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net.
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