Dear Lucia,

My boyfriend won't kiss me, and only wants sex about twice a month. How can I get him to want me more?


Dear Sandi,

You can't get someone to do something they don't want to do. They're either inspired to do it or they're not.

Has it always been like this or has the situation changed recently? If this is how it's always been, things aren't likely to change.

You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want. If you don't have a high sex drive, then twice a month shouldn't be a problem.

If however you need more sex, that's a different story. If it's been this way from the start, then your boyfriend probably doesn't have a high sex drive.

If this is a recent development, then you need to ask him what's going on. If he says he's too tired or busy, remind him that he wasn't too tired or busy when you first started dating.

The fact that he won't kiss you bothers me. It almost sounds as if he's treating you like a booty call. You need to have a talk and you may eventually need to walk.

Dear Lucia,

How much time after beginning to date someone should a girl wait to have “the talk?”

I've been dating someone for a month now, but don't know where we stand – whether we're just having fun or if it's monogamous. I want to ask but I'm not sure if it's too soon right now.


Dear Jade,

When you first start to date someone, you need to keep two things in mind: Assume that person is seeing other people and don't assume they want a committed relationship with you.

One month is definitely too soon to be having any kind of “we” talk. You barely know this person. How do you know you even want to be in a monogamous relationship with them?

Your attitude when you first start to see someone should be, “Show me who you are, and I'll decide where you fit into my life”. Don't automatically assume they would be good boyfriend/girlfriend material.

When you first meet someone, you're not seeing the true person because they are on their best behavior. You're actually meeting their “press agent.” Let time be your guide.

If they invite you to family functions, want to see you every weekend and talk to you almost every day, you're safe to assume you're his/her main squeeze. Only then should you ask whether he considers you his friend or more.

Dear Lucia,

A guy has offered to take me to the museum and to dinner. This will be the first time we meet after a few e-mails between us.

He suggested meeting at the museum at noon, but then assumed that we will eat around 8 or 9 at night. How much time should you allot for a first meeting with someone you only know from an online dating profile?


Dear Marisa,

You're setting yourself up for disaster. You say you've exchanged emails, but have you spoken on the phone? Never agree to meet someone from a dating site without first speaking to them several times!

The first date should just be coffee or drinks. If you like each other, you can then progress to lunch or dinner. If you don't, you're free to leave. Committing to a museum and dinner is just too much time to spend with someone you haven't even met.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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