Hey Lucia,

If my “friend with benefits” is so in love with her new boyfriend, why is she still calling me even after I told her I wish her the best and I would attend her wedding, but this is it? She recently supposedly broke it off with a married man.

Then, she found out that the guy is getting a divorce because his wife cheated on him. Now she's in love with this guy and is talking marriage.

She seems like a class-A whack job, but I want your expertise on why she still feels the need to call me? What does she think I'm gonna do – marry her? What's your take on this?

—Curious Chemical Engineer

Dear Curious,

The question is not why is she still calling you, but why would you care enough that you would take the time to write to me? Although the logical part of you knows she is unstable and not a good long-term partner, the emotional part of you has feelings for her.

You're flattered that even though she's “supposedly” in love with someone else, she's still in contact with you . Does the reason why even matter?

Maybe she likes the sex and wants to make sure you'll be available to her if she wants to get together in the future. Maybe she subconsciously knows it's not going to work out with Mr. Married Man, so she's keeping you on the “waiting list.”

The important thing here is not why she's still in contact, but why you're still interested in her when she's clearly shown you she doesn't have her act together. Remember what the law of attraction (as discussed in the best-selling book, The Secret ) says: like energy attracts like energy.

This means you don't have your act together, because if you did, you would not be attracted to her. You would simply shake your head and be glad she's not your girlfriend.

I suggest you ask yourself where in your life you're not together and work on that . Otherwise, you will still continue to find this type of person attractive.

Dear Lucia,

There is a guy I'm seeing. The first time we met we slept together, then three different times after that. Lately he's been telling me he likes me.

I called him once earlier in the week, and he never answered or called back. I called him again on Friday night, and he didn't answer but then called me back at 3 a.m. to come over. I didn't sleep with him.

He came over on Saturday night earlier in the evening, slept over and again no sex. Does he like me or just want sex?


Dear Sammie,

This is another perfect example of why women should wait to have sex with a new guy. Had you waited until some type of relationship was established, you wouldn't have to now waste your time wondering whether he likes you for you or just likes the sex.

The fact that he called you at 3 a.m. would mean he was just interested in sex, but since nothing happened, maybe he does just like you for you. The only way to know is to stop having sex with him, if you're interested in more than just a physical relationship.

If he still wants to see you, then you'll know he likes you. If he doesn't want to see you, then he likes the sex.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net .

Read an excerpt from Lucia's Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net .