Dear Lucia,

I had been dating a man for six and a half years. The last time we spoke was before New Year's Eve.

The relationship had become strained and we were arguing all the time. We had not been intimate for over a year – his choice, because he said he did not like to way I was talking to him.

He had lied to me about a lot of things and that is what started everything. I would like to know what is happening with him now.


Dear Luisa,

It sounds like you're both unhappy with the relationship. He doesn't like the way you talk to him, and you probably feel justified in talking to him in that way because he has lied to you.

Not being intimate for over a year doesn't help the situation either. I suggest you take this time to think about whether you really want to be in this relationship or not. Is your life better as a result of this person being in it, or are you holding on simply because it's familiar and convenient?

At some point, he will most likely call you again. If you decide to get back together, I would suggest couples counseling.

Dear Lucia,

I am in love with a girl I've been dating for a month. How do I make her fall in love with me?

I am 24 years old, and I think she's a bit older than me. I invited her for lunch but she didn't show. I also invited her last Sunday, and again she didn't show up.

I tried her cell phone but she was not picking up. I was a bit down because we arranged to meet and she didn't show up.

How do I make her understand I'm in love with her? Please help me.


Dear Derrick,

It's very hard to convince someone of something that isn't true. The truth is that you are not in love with her. I know it, she knows it and maybe somewhere inside you, you know it.

You make be infatuated and obsessed, but you certainly can't love someone after only one month. Love develops as a result of getting to know someone. You don't even know how old she is!

Although it's not right for her to stand you up, the reason she's doing it is because you're creeping her out. She's doesn't want to turn you down, so she pretends she's going to see you and then doesn't show up.

Even if you haven't said “I love you” to her, your actions and attitude are showing her that you are way too into her after only one month. You're coming across as desperate and unrealistic, and that is never attractive.

We all want to be with someone strong. Someone that is willing to put up with being continually stood up is not strong. Are you sure you're even dating?

If there is to be any hope for you, you need to back off immediately. Don't call her for a week.

When you do call, don't ask her out. Have a short, pleasant conversation and get off the phone.

You can ask her out the next time you talk. If she doesn't show up again, she's not interested or she's lost interest in you as a result of your actions. At that point, all you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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