I am in a relationship with my ex again. In the beginning of it all, he would say how much he loves me, take me to meet his family and do little things that make me happy like holding my hand when walking and meeting with me.
What confuses me is that he doesn't call or text me. I do the calling because I love him.
He has never surprised me with a gift, but he'll never accept to totally break up with me. Can I hang on? Does he love me?
—Leanne
Dear Leanne,
The question is : Should you hang on? Remember, actions speak louder than words.
You will be a lot happier in life and in relationships if you give more importance to what people do and not what they say. Talk is cheap.
Does he love you? I doubt it. He doesn't call or text, so how much can he really care?
However, having said that, you are partly to blame in this situation. You say you do the calling. Author Pat Allen says: “He who speaks first is male.”
This means, you are not letting him be the man when you are the one to initiate contact. Men are programmed to hunt and pursue. When you take that away from him, there is nothing to hunt.
He's probably confused because part of him wants to be with you, and the other part doesn't understand why he's just not feeling it like he used to. This is why he won't accept to totally break up with you.
You have the power here. Either stop calling him, and give him a chance to pursue or end the relationship for good and move on.
Hi Lucia,
Thank you for providing the information that you do. We are in a crisis when it comes to dating and relationships. I really don't think that a lot of people are compatible and are caught up on physical attractiveness and superficial matters.
What/where are some of the best types of places to meet sweet and attractive women that are single?
Online dating was a bad experience for me. Some women oversell themselves. An awful lot seem bitter, jaded, resentful and hate men.
In one picture they look like a “10,” and in the next they look like a “2.” I know women have the same problems. Is Myspace.com better? I'm considering trying that.
Like the vast majority out there I have no problem getting dates. But I do have a problem getting a date with a woman that I find pretty, friendly and who is a good person. When I do it seems like the entire world is after her.
—Frank
Hi Frank,
I don't know that I would call it a crisis, more like an evolution. The rules of dating and relationships are changing rapidly, and both men and women are not always sure of what the new rules are.
Physical attractiveness will always be part of the equation. It's nature's way of bringing people together.
If the physical chemistry isn't there, it doesn't matter how good someone looks on paper. Attractive women will always have a lot of men after them – that's just how the world works.
Instead of getting discouraged, work on yourself so that those women will be interested in you – be interesting and funny. If you can make a woman laugh, you're half way there.
You can meet sweet attractive women anywhere. Have you tried religious services?
MySpace has a lot of people on it but most of them are in their 20s or 30s. If that's the age range you're looking in, then go ahead and try it.
Keep in mind though that it is more of a community site than a dating site. Some people really are on there for just networking or looking for new friends.
Hi Lucia,
I really want to thank you – and wish I could give you a bear hug with that. I've always been attracted to the “bad boys” … and by reading your advice columns, going through your recommended reading and following your advice, I am a very happy woman today.
After a two-year relationship, I am engaged to a man that cooks for me, kisses me, hugs me … So, thank you for helping the two of us love each other!
—Cobie
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net .
Read an excerpt from Lucia's Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net
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