Dear Lucia,

I am writing in response to “Nathaniel's” e-mail from the April 25 column. If he was just in it for the sex, why was he seeing this woman for four to six months?

Every other day! That is not a one-night stand.

Why was he asking if they were boyfriend and girlfriend? He was leading her to believe that is what he wanted.

Of course she fell for him – you don't have sex like rabbits for months and have no feelings about the person, especially after reuniting from high school.

Of course he needs therapy. How can you have no feelings for someone you have been having a sexual relationship with for months. What the hell is wrong with him?

—Persian Cat

Dear Persian Cat,

If everyone that was able to have sex for months without being emotionally involved went into therapy, then 99 percent of all the men in this world would be in therapy. Men are not wired the same way as women and are able to have sex without becoming emotionally attached.

This is because the effects of the bonding hormone, “oxytocin,” that is released during orgasm in both sexes, are not felt as strongly by men due to their higher levels of testosterone. A woman can feel bonded by a single, sexual encounter for up to two weeks, while a man will usually only feel bonded for a day.

Women need to understand that just because a man is having sex with them, it doesn't always mean he feels an attachment. They need to hold off on having sex until they know whom they're dealing with. Unmask him before you undress him.

Dear Lucia,

I always read your column. I love the way you teach women to like and respect themselves when it comes to dealing with men – no games and no bullshit – and that's very challenging these days. Keep up the good work!

I would like to know how to not get discouraged when using the law of attraction. How do I visualize a person who is not specific?

I know the kind of man I want to attract and the specific qualities, but how can I picture him without seeing a specific person? Thanks and Happy Spring.


Hi Dee,

Thanks for your compliments. I genuinely appreciate them.

When you first start to use the law of attraction, part of you doesn't believe it's possible, so it's quite easy to get discouraged. I suggest you start with something small. Once you see that it works, you'll be more confident that it will work with something bigger.

How about a parking spot? I always visualize a parking spot available on the ground floor of the parking structure at my gym.

Before I started using the law of attraction, I was usually only able to get a spot there a few times a year. Since I started the visualization, I usually end up parking there three to four times a month ! See the parking area in your mind with an empty spot waiting just for you!

Remember that the word “action” is in the word “attr action .” This means, once you've decided what it is you want to attract, you must also start to take steps towards your goal.

You'll know you're making headway once you start to notice synchronicities. (Such as, someone leaving a parking spot just as you are looking for one.)

Your life is presently a picturing of your previous feelings and thoughts. You can't change the present but you can create the future. Thumb your nose at the way things are, and focus on how you would like them to be.

In terms of bringing someone into your life, once you've made your list of the qualities you're looking for in a person, you do not need to visualize a person. You need to feel the feeling of that person already being in your life.

How would you feel when you kiss them good night before you go to sleep? When you think about the person on your list, how do you feel?

Feelings are powerful creators. Feel that person as already being in your life. Take any action necessary to bring you closer to bringing someone into your life –– try Internet dating, take a class, join a gym, etc.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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Read an excerpt from Lucia's Lessons of Love at .