Dear Lucia,
I met someone online a few months ago, and recently we saw each other for the first time in Vegas. Now that we’re back in our separate states again, I get the feeling she’s drifting away.
She worked a lot before we met up and jumped back into her regular routine once she returned home. She hasn’t used any of the terms of endearment (like baby) that she had before.
She used to text me all the time “I love you.” She has told me “I miss you” since we’ve been back; am I overreacting?
—John
Dear John,
You did two things I do not recommend – tried to have a long-distance relationship and corresponded for a long period of time with someone you met online.
Relationships can be difficult enough when the two people live in the same city. Adding distance to that makes it even worse.
I just don’t understand trying to date someone that lives in a different city, never mind a different state. Unless you were already dating and one of you moved away, I don’t recommend long-distance romances.
As for your second mistake, no matter how great you may get along with someone via email and phone, until you actually meet the person, you don’t know if you will “click” – whether or not there will be chemistry.
Your friend probably didn’t feel any chemistry when you met, and she’s trying to let you down easy. Since you have nothing to lose, why not come right out and ask her? If nothing else, maybe you can just continue as long-distance friends.
Dear Lucia,
I met this guy through a chat room. We had so many things in common, shared many goals and expectations. We were both looking for something serious, or so it seemed.
We started talking on the phone and texting constantly for a month. We decided to meet.
When we met, it seemed like we had a lot of chemistry. He told me he was really interested and that he wanted to start dating me.
He said he would call the next day, but he didn’t. I called and left a message, but haven’t heard back.
—Amy
Dear Amy,
This situation is similar to John’s in the previous letter. Again, there was too much talking and texting before you actually met. Even though it may have seemed like there was a lot of chemistry for you, it doesn’t mean he felt the same way.
As usual, actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say they’re looking for a serious relationship and want to date you. However, if they say they’re going to call, don’t keep their word and then proceed to ignore your call, the unspoken message is that they are not interested. Sorry.
Next time, try to meet the person soon after talking on the phone, so that you don’t waste time on something that isn’t going to go anywhere.
Hey Lucia,
My friends think I’m crazy because I’m 21-years-old, and I’ve been having GREAT sex with a 52-year-old, divorced woman. We both know it’s just for sex. Is this so bad?
—Joe
Dear Joe,
As the unofficial spokeswoman for the “cougar” movement, I see nothing wrong with having great sex with an older woman – in fact, that’s one of the advantages. Great sex can be hard to come by, so why put an end to a good thing?
Your friends are probably secretly jealous. Do your thing!
Lucia,
I must tell you, I have resided in the Los Angeles area for all of my life – and you are one of very few columnists that I look forward to hearing, reading and feeling what you acknowledge about human relationships each week.
I commend you for that – you have gained such trust, amusement and overall faith in where you honestly try and guide all of the crazy, cosmic romantics in this town.
—Thomas
Hi Lucia,
I'd like to express my respect for your work. Your articles are interesting and intelligent.
You are the Los Angeles version of Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City!” (I’m sure you were told that already.) Good luck to you.
—R.K.
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons www.lessonsoflove.net.
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