Dear Lucia:

When I was in my last year of high school, I loved a boy and expressed my feelings to him, but he rejected me. We lost touch after graduation.

Now five years have passed by, and recently I found his blog on MySpace. He wrote all his whereabouts and his life experiences over the years, and there are many of his photos, too.

After this MySpace visit, I found that I still have a lot feelings for him. I know it’s not healthy and that I should have moved on, but I just can’t resist the feeling that drives me to think of him constantly. What should I do?


Dear Lost,

I can totally identify with your story. When I was living in Italy I met a guy that I had a casual relationship with, and I could never get him out of my mind. A few years ago I found him through the ’Net, we met up for one last time, and now I’m over him.

When there are strong feelings for someone, they don’t generally go away just with the passing of time, especially if the other person didn’t feel the same. Maybe if you had had a chance to date him and know him better, you would have found out you weren’t that compatible and been able to move on by now.

The only thing to do is contact him with a casual e-mail, like an old school friend saying hello. Keep it short. Don’t bring up your feelings.

If he responds, you can start an online dialog and see where it goes from there. Let him be the one to bring up talking on the phone or getting together. Good luck.

Hi Lucia,

My girlfriend has a close relationship with her ex-boyfriend. She calls him sometimes several times per day, and sometimes they get together. She said the next time he stays over, I will have to sleep on the couch.

One time we were in a disco, and she kissed him deeply. She said she wanted to give him her gum! She tells me he is like a brother.


Dear Ralf,

What do red flags have to do before you listen to them? Chase you down and hit you over the head?

This girl is still involved with her ex and doesn’t care about you. The longer you put up with the situation, the more pathetic you look. Get out now!

Dear Lucia,

I met a very cool guy recently. He likes me too because I’m kind of beautiful.

However, he’s got a girlfriend for about two or three years. They’re having some problems now, but they’re still together.

I want to win his heart. Is there any way to have his love? Thank you so much.


Dear Anonymous,

So, let’s say you’ve had a boyfriend for two or three years. You’re still together despite having some problems.

Then a girl that’s “kind of beautiful” (whatever that means) comes along and wants to take him away from you. How would you feel? Should she go for it?

I believe a relationship between two people, whether they are married or not, is a sacred place. Relationships can be difficult enough as it is, without third parties interfering, trying to tear them apart.

Besides, if it was possible to “win his heart” while he was involved with someone else, you would always be worried that another woman may come along and do the same thing. If he was willing to go once, who’s to say he’s not willing to go twice?

For the moment, this man is off-limits. If they break up, and he’s still interested in pursing something with you at that time, fine.

However, if you are going to try to lure him away while he is with someone else, just remember: What goes around, comes around.

Dear Lucia,

I recently asked for your advice on my boyfriend of five months that suddenly ended our relationship. You’re right. I think my head was too in the clouds to realize what was going on.

I really appreciate your advice. Thanks a lot.


Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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