My boyfriend and I have been together for l9 months. He has never told me he loves me (I did after almost a year together) but says he “cares for me deeply.” Most of his actions imply he loves me, but I don’t know.
We had an argument about his lack of emotional communication, and he shot down every point I made. I then stopped the discussion and was quiet. I didn’t contact him for one week, then he texted me and said he missed me and still wanted to talk because he cares for me deeply.
Women have got to understand that men do not communicate the same way we do. More often than not, they show rather than say what they are feeling. They do this by giving you their jacket when you’re cold, fixing and carrying things for you, etc.
You agree that most of his actions imply that he loves you. Your need to hear those three little words are your own insecurity.
To a man, saying, “I care about you” or “I care for you deeply” are the equivalent of “I love you.” Give the guy a break, and don’t mess up a good thing.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now, and we’ve had more than our fair share of arguments and very rough times. We’ve made it through all that, and yet I often wonder, does he still love me the way he used to?
When the passion starts fading, what can I do next? I would really appreciate honesty here, as I need that.
We will have to blame Mother Nature for the natural decline of romantic passion in long-term relationships. Intense passion consumes a lot of time and energy, and it would not be efficient for it to continue for years.
This is why after about 18 months to two years it turns into attachment and feelings of safety and contentment. Does this mean we are doomed to passionless, long-term relationships? Heck no!
There are many things you can do to keep the romantic fires burning. Keep the sensual part of you alive.
Don’t get lazy just because you’re in a committed relationship. Continue to be his girlfriend.
Do those things you did in the beginning when you first started dating. Keep appreciating him, admiring him, flirting and complimenting.
People often forget to continue doing these things, thinking such actions are no longer necessary. This is actually the secret to protecting a relationship against infidelity. Continue to do fun and exciting things, create new situations, such as going to a hotel once in a while.
Finally, don’t forget that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Space helps maintain romantic passion. To quote from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet: “Let there be spaces in your togetherness.”
You responded to my e-mail recently about my boyfriend dumping me. The thing is, when someone who you are in love with and who you planned your future around changes their mind and stops being in love with you, it would be hard not to become very depressed and cry ... It tore my life apart, everything I dreamed of for the future was with him.
He did love me, but stopped. He cried, too.
But I guess you’re right. He came to see how he felt and saw that he didn’t miss me.
Dear Persian Cat,
I didn’t say you shouldn’t be depressed. You can’t control your feelings, but you can control your actions.
That’s why I said crying and begging when someone is breaking up with you doesn’t work. You’re subconsciously trying to manipulate the other person into feeling sorry for you so that they will not break up with you.
Do you really want someone to be with you just because they feel sorry for you?
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
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Article posted on 7/5/2007
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