I appreciate your efforts to help singles with their dating lives. I do have some thoughts and a question for you.
First, and this is not meant as an insult, you are not married and fall into that age where “they say” the chances are lower of this happening, so how can you call yourself an expert and give advice in the area of dating for others to find “the one” when you haven’t done so?
I know you’ve written that you have been proposed to several times, but clearly they weren’t successful relationships (in terms of happily ever after!) since you turned them down.
I am happily married, and I can tell you that the way my relationship progressed did not always align with your ideas/statements about successful dating. We didn’t play any games.
I believe one of the main reasons it worked for us is because the both of us were in a place in our lives where we were ready for and wanted the same thing and of course, really liked each other. He wanted to see me a lot soon into the relationship, and I had no problem with it and did see him a lot.
I know this goes against your recommendations. He didn’t get bored of me or take me for granted.
Again, I’m sure people appreciate your advice but if it were me, I’d personally prefer it to come from someone happily married, and I don’t see how you can call yourself an “expert.” No offense meant, just an honest thought/question.
Thanks for your e-mail. I’m sure a lot of readers have the same questions, and I am happy to answer them.
First, let’s define “expert.” The dictionary defines it as: a person with a high degree of skill in or knowledge of a certain subject. By this definition, I am an expert, as I know more about love, dating and relationships than most people.
By calling myself an expert, I am not saying that I know everything about love. No one can know everything about this topic. That is what makes love both fascinating and frustrating.
As for your question regarding why I am not married, believe it or not, marriage has never been and still isn’t a priority. I have never wanted to have children, therefore I never felt an urgency to find “the one.”
I have always been focused on doing something artistic with my life, from modeling to singing to photography. Having said that, I did have two relationships that each lasted five years.
This is longer than some marriages. I do not consider them a failure simply because they didn’t end in marriage.
I was the one that was unwilling to make the long-term commitment. Otherwise, I could certainly be married right now if I wanted to be.
I appreciate your concern over my chances of being able to find someone at this point in my life, but I can tell you that I have no problem meeting guys and being asked out. I believe you can attract someone at any age. As a society, we need to stop terrorizing women with this antiquated notion that if they don’t hurry up and find someone by a certain age, they are doomed to be miserably single for the rest of their lives.
A Jan. 16, 2007 survey by the New York Times found that 51 percent of all women were living without a spouse. Married couples are now a minority of all American households.
I am glad that it was smooth sailing for you when you found your husband, but that is the exception rather than the rule. When two people meet and start dating, they are rarely at the exact same point in their lives.
In the beginning, it is about egos, because love has not yet entered the picture. This is why it’s necessary to play a game, and that game is called, “Don’t freak people out.”
I do not believe that just because someone is happily married, they are better equipped to give advice. Part of my “expertise” comes from the fact that I am single.
I have dated more than most people and made almost every mistake you can think of, often more than once. As I always say, “Experience is the best teacher, but the tuition is very costly.”
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
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