I have known this person for a year now. He is very caring, loving and understanding. We are both 27.
The problem has to do with commitment [marriage]. Earlier he told me his father is not agreeing and that he is trying.
I nagged him once or twice then realized that it further complicates things. He even got angry and said, “You are welcome to do whatever you feel like.”
Now for the last one to two months I’m not saying anything. Once in a while I say, “Please try and talk to your father.” At times he just keeps quiet and says nothing; other times he says everything will be fine, we will have a good future.
It’s really hurting me as I don’t know what to do. I want things to work out. Please tell me how I go about it.
I have never understood this concept of nagging someone to do something they don’t want to do. I especially don’t understand it when it comes to something as serious as marriage. Why would you want to be married to someone that isn’t dying to be married to you?
He has already made his feelings known. I think it’s still too early to be discussing marriage anyways. You need to either wait another year and see where things are at that point or leave now. But please, stop nagging the poor guy.
Dear Lucia, I recently started talking to my ex who I dated for three years and who I still care for. When we were dating he told me (like myself) he did not want to get married or have kids any time soon.
He is now dating a woman who has a 7-year-old daughter and is hunting for a husband. I am worried about him because I sense that this girl may be the sort to “accidentally” get pregnant in order to tie him down. Should I talk to him and try to warn him?
This sounds like the plot to a soap opera. Even if you “warn” him, which I would advise you against, do you actually think he’s going to just stop seeing her or take additional precautions against making sure she doesn’t become pregnant?
He will probably resent you meddling in his business and that will hurt your relationship. I’m sure he’s a big boy and can deal with whatever happens. He doesn’t need an ex-girlfriend playing mommy.
I’m pretty sure that the guy I’m dating is a player, but it’s hard to tell because he travels all the time so I hardly get to see him. He’s a photographer for races and celebrities, so he’s always around beautiful girls.
I couldn’t see him being a player though because of the way he treated me in the beginning. He talked to me and treated me like he really wanted to be with me. If he is always traveling, how can I play him at his own game?
Your e-mail is confusing. First you say you are “pretty sure” the guy you’re seeing is a player. Later on you say you couldn’t see him being a player because of how he treated you.
You obviously don’t know the first thing about players. Of course he treated you well in the beginning. How else was he going to “hook” you? That’s part of the game – get them hooked and then slowly back away.
You don’t give me enough information to make an educated guess. The only advice I can give you comes from the “player’s handbook”: Don’t play a player. If you really think he’s a player, don’t waste precious time that could be spent with someone that actually appreciates you!
My boyfriend and I never fight. Is that a bad thing?
Yes! It means that one or both of you are walking on eggshells, because you don’t want to “rock the boat.” You’re not being real.
People in relationships don’t always agree and that’s OK. I suggest you discuss this with him and work on being more “honest” with each other.
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens. Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net. Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net. Listen to Lucia live on the radio every Sunday at 3 p.m. on 1460AM or at www.ktym.com