Dear Lucia,

I recently met a guy at a friend’s party. He didn’t tell me his real age when we first met because he said I wouldn’t have given him a second glance.

The moment we first laid eyes on each other and started talking we hit it off right away, everything faded, and it felt like it was just the two of us. We saw each other again a week later and that’s when he told me he was 19.

I was in shock. I didn’t know what to say or do. I became cold and distant to this person whom I thought was good for me.

He didn’t act 19; his mind isn’t 19. He’s smart, he treats me well, he makes me happy, we’re compatible on so many levels and he’s warm, kind and sweet. Am I wrong to date him?

—In shock

Dear In shock,

It’s interesting to note that if you were a man, you would probably not be writing in to ask me whether you should be dating a 19-year-old girl. Luckily, the double standard that exists in dating regarding age differences is slowly going away. I believe in 15-20 years, it will no longer be an issue.

You didn’t tell me your age, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not about age, it’s about energy. The “secret” taught us that like energy attracts like energy. While I’m sure there is of course a physical attraction, there is also an energy attraction. This is why you hit it off right away and conversation flowed easily.

He treats you well, makes you happy, is warm, kind and sweet and you’re compatible on many levels. Are you wrong to date him? You’re wrong not to date him.

Enjoy yourself and don’t be too concerned for now about whether or not it will last. You’ll cross that bridge when you get to it.

Dear Lucia,

I’ve had a boyfriend for four months now. He’s a nice guy but falls into depressions because of his past problems and a divorce three years ago.

His mood changes constantly and sometimes he answers me in a very rude way when there’s no reason to be like that with me. I asked him to try and get professional help, but he refuses to tell his problems to a stranger.

I really don't know what to think anymore. He’s unstable emotionally, and I’m starting to think that it’s better I let him go and keep going with my life even if we love each other.

Am I wasting my time trying to help him? Should I keep trying to have him go to a specialist? I don’t want to lose him, but if I have no future with him, I guess I will.


Dear Diana,

A relationship is about supporting the strongest part of your partner, not the weakest part. Singer Mary J. Blige credits her husband Kendu with helping her stop drinking. When they were still dating, he issued an ultimatum that if she came home drunk, he was leaving.

She chose their relationship over alcohol and turned her life around. He was not going to stay and try to “make” her get help.

If your man doesn’t want to go to therapy, there’s nothing you can do. How much time are you willing to waste, hoping that he will? I suggest you issue your own ultimatum – either he gets help for his depression or you’re out.

Dear Lucia,

At the end of a first or second date, when a girl is driving herself home in the evening (because they agreed to meet at a location), is it a strike against the guy if he doesn’t say “call me/text me so I know you arrived safely?”

Is it then an indication of their interest level versus their manners? At what point do I rule them out as having longer-term potential?


Dear Lori,

Wow, I thought I was tough! I don’t consider it a strike if a guy doesn’t ask you to let him know you arrived safely. Some do, some don’t.

It’s neither about interest level nor manners – just personality. You can rule someone out when you see a red flag.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens. Write to Lucia at Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at Lucia will be teaching a class on younger men/older women relationships on Oct. 9. Go to for more info.