Dear Lucia,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years. We’re in our 30s and have a committed relationship.

Jay has been divorced since 2003 and was with the ex for eight years. There were no children from the marriage.

He still has pictures of her on his PC. They are not displayed on the desktop, but are in folders and there are many of them. It’s upsetting for me when we are viewing pictures to have to stop abruptly because the rest of the pictures have her in them.

Last night I asked why he kept them, and it seemed like he hadn’t really thought it through, but then he just said that they were there for memories. I said, “Well, why can’t you get rid of the ones that have her in them?”

Is it OK for me to ask him to get rid of her pictures?


Dear Bobi,

What are you afraid of? Do you think that one day he’ll be looking at her pictures and decide to get back together with her?

Well, he just might do that if you’re going to be an insecure girlfriend. You’re asking him to throw away memories from eight years of his life. How dare you!

He had a life before you met him. All his relationships, including his marriage, have made him into the person you fell in love with. If anything, you should be grateful that he’s already been married and made mistakes he’ll know not to repeat if you two ever walk down the aisle.

What matters is what’s in his heart, not his hard drive. Let it go.

Dear Lucia,

I recently moved to Michigan from Chicago and discovered that within four months I had gained 15 pounds from the decline in my social life. I’m interested in dating again, but these extra few pounds seem to make a big difference in my wanting to go back into the dating field. Not to mention the fact that there are not very many men worth dating in the area I moved to.

I have been doing Weight Watchers, yet I am not inclined to go looking for relationships. I wonder why I don’t feel like dating when it seems like a want a boyfriend. What do you suggest?


Dear Holly,

I think you may be suffering from mild depression. A move to another state can be stressful.

You miss your friends and family and don’t know a lot of people in your new city. Add to that the fact that it is slim pickins in the man department, and that’s enough to make anyone want to reach for a chocolate cake!

I would advise you to continue losing weight, join a gym or a yoga class and see how you feel in a few months. By then you should be a few pounds lighter and have some new friends. Your whole attitude about men will probably change by then!

Dear Lucia,

I recently began dating someone who was a perfect gentleman. When we became sexual, it turned out he was into S & M and liked to dominate.

I participated a few times because the first time it was excitingly unexpected, the second time it was still fun, and then the third time it started to become boringly repetitive. I left the third time and later told him I didn’t think the role-playing was for me.

Now he is begging me to come back, telling me he really likes me and that we don’t need to role-play. However, it seems to me if he was audacious enough to start in on the role-play without consulting me first, that he is bad news for the long term.

I want to be with someone sweet, kind and loving – not someone who wants me to call him “master” and who calls me a “bad girl.” I’m under the impression if I went back with him he would still be a “dapper dungeon master” and that doesn’t really appeal to me.

—Good Girl

Dear Good Girl,

You two are not sexually compatible. You want to “make love.” He wants to “have sex.”

You’re right not to see him again. He should know better than to try to turn a non-slave into a slave! There are plenty of women available that will play that role; you’re just not one of them.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at

Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at: