I did something that I know could be dangerous if he catches me. I pretended to be someone new for him on his Yahoo messenger. I started asking him about his personal life, and his answers to all my questions were very shocking.
He said he feels something special for me, but he doesn’t feel in love with me because of the way I kiss him. He said that to him, a kiss means more than a kiss – it is the way love enters the mouth. He feels I do not kiss him like that, and he’s disappointed ’cause he would like me to make him feel that way.
He also said he keeps thinking of an ex-girlfriend he had before me because he behaved badly with her and now feels guilty. He doesn’t know for sure if he still loves her or if it’s just the remorse he feels. He said he sent her an e-mail, but that he hasn’t had any response yet.
He said he feels like he’s not being faithful to me and that I don’t deserve it. He said I’m a very good woman and that he doesn’t deserve someone like me ’cause he’s too troubled and complicated.
He mentioned that another thing that started to keep him away from me is that I’m overweight. He met me that way and never said that it was gonna be a problem, but now it seems like it is.
When he’s brought it up with me, I reminded him that he met me like that. He agreed, but he still wanted me to do something about it. I’ll do it, but not just because he wants it; I’ll do it for me.
Is kissing really important for some people? Should I learn how to kiss? What should I do about the issue with his ex-girlfriend? With me being overweight?
What should I say if he tells me all this or just part of it? Should I react angry, sad and cry or just have a calm attitude?
Dear Desperate Diana,
Wow. What a mess. I’m going to give you advice I’ve never given before and hope to never have to give again.
It doesn’t really matter what you do, because right now you are way too immature to be in a relationship with anyone. I will answer your questions, but at the moment they will only be a Band-Aid over the bigger issue of your immaturity.
First we have the problem of you pretending to be someone else on Yahoo messenger. What kind of guy gives personal information to a stranger?
Yes, kissing is very important to most people. I had never heard it put as “the way love enters the mouth,” but that’s a great metaphor. You can always learn to be a better kisser, but that’s the least of your problems.
We also have the ex-girlfriend. It’s impossible to have a quality relationship with someone if they are still thinking about someone from their past.
Finally, there is the issue of your weight. True, he accepted it at first, because he was very attracted to you. However, now that issues have surfaced, he’s less willing to put up with it. What you do about it is up to you, but keep in mind that “he who does not make time for exercise, must eventually make time for illness.”
You pretended to be someone else in order to get information that you should have been able to have a discussion about. You act like a rebellious teenager by refusing to lose weight just because someone you supposedly care for told you to.
Then you want me to tell you whether you should be angry, sad, cry or be calm. I’m not going to do that because I’m not a director, and you’re not an actress. However, your immaturity creates drama, and everything turns into a soap opera.
Walk away for now, lose weight and maybe when you grow up, you can revisit this relationship.
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.