: Q & A

Dear Julie,

Why didn’t you call him back? Were you unsure where you wanted things to go? Are you sure you really want him now, or do you want him because he walked away?

Ask yourself these questions, and if you can honestly say you want to have a long-term relationship with him, contact him and see where he stands. Keep in mind he may have moved on, both mentally and physically, so be prepared for that.

Dear Lucia,

I am in a long distance relationship that is extremely difficult. He flew out this summer to see me for the first time for two weeks. We met online and had already been communicating for nine months.

Prior to coming he asked me to a wedding with him close to where he lives; by the end of the visit he never mentioned it again. Of course I did, and he said he would like me to come but wasn’t sure of the time he would get off work. He said he was going to push for time but never did bring it up again, so I let it rest.

He went to the wedding without me and I haven’t heard from him. This is totally out of the norm, as we speak everyday.

Could there be someone else he is with? I feel like this was a complete brush off.

—Mary

Dear Mary,

You didn’t say how far away he lives, but I do not recommend these types of relationships. It can be difficult enough to date someone in the same city, never mind another city or state.

Why did you wait nine months to meet? If someone is interested in you, they will want to get together sooner rather than later. You need to meet as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry.

He probably didn’t think there was, that’s why he changed his mind about taking you to the wedding. I don’t know if he is with someone else, but I do know that he’s not interested in a relationship and you need to move on.

Dear Lucia, I met a flight attendant last year. We only spent an evening together, but she left a lasting impression on me. I am 21, and she was nine years older.

Since then I have not been able to get over the difference between her and the other women I have dated. I have decided to only date older women from now on, at least for a while. I’ve just had it with those silly college girls.

My question: where do I start? The oldest women in my circle of friends are maybe three to six years older than me. I want to meet more in their 30s and 40s.

—Martin

Dear Martin,

I would suggest you try online. The sites I recommend are www.gocougar.com, www.agematch.com and groups dedicated to these types of relationships on MySpace.

Dear Lucia,

I am a 34-year-old married woman. We have been married almost one year, but I still think and even dream about my high school sweetheart. We kept in touch up until the time I got married.

I want to forget about him and totally devote my heart to my wonderful hubby. How do I do this?

—Troubled

Dear Troubled,

Most people never forget their first love, simply because it was, their first love. I think you are idealizing that relationship in your mind.

You may be missing the innocence and freedom associated with young love. You want that feeling, rather than the man himself; otherwise you would be with him, not your husband. Maybe you are not having enough fun in your marriage. People often think that once they get married they have to be serious, and they forget to have fun.

Focus on activities you can do with your husband that you’d both enjoy. Live in the now, not in the past.

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.

Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.