Most of the dates I have been out with are people I met from the personals site. They all show up dressed down, wearing baseball caps.
A couple of them have been late. The last date had bad breath.
It seems like the dates I had in high school and college were more put together than the ones I have been going out with. Should I stop meeting guys on the Internet?
They are always asking me where I want to go on the date. Shouldn’t the guy be putting a plan together?
Also, they are always giving me their phone number and telling me to call them. Call me old-fashioned, but I think that’s a turnoff.
They text and e-mail more than they even call on the phone anymore. Are these deal breakers? Am I losing it?
—Jessica
Hi Jessica,
No, you’re not losing it. Welcome to the wonderful world of modern dating. All the things you mentioned are certainly annoying, but they’re not deal breakers.
Here’s the solution: In your profile, be specific about the type of man you’re looking for by addressing the issues you mentioned in your e-mail. Here’s an example, which you are welcome to use:
I admire a man who likes to impress his date by being on time and well dressed with fresh breath. I appreciate a man who likes to take charge and decide where we will go for our first date. I adore a man who believes in pursuing a woman the old fashioned way – by calling her and keeping text and e-mail messages to a minimum.
By stating what you are looking for in a positive manner and using words such as admire, appreciate and adore, you come across as classy and confident. Any man reading this will understand that you know what you want, and if he can’t live up to it will probably move on to the next profile.
Dear Lucia,
I’ve had it bad for a particular young lady for quite some time now. Her ex-boyfriend recently ended their relationship.
Sure enough, less than a week passed, and she called me. We went on to have two weeks of bliss.
That all came to a screeching halt when I got the “It’s not my ex, it’s the feel of being in a relationship” line and that she needed to deal with that. She told me she did not want to nurse a relationship with another relationship and that she is actually looking out for me in all this, telling me she did not want me to be a rebound guy.
If she needs time for her, I am more than glad to give her that or whatever she needs. The conversation was cloaked with high hopes of us having a real shot at a relationship, which made me feel better about the situation.
However, after seeing her the other day, and her mentioning the ex more than once and hearing, “Don’t let me stand in the way of you seeing someone else” ... well, do you smell what I smell? Any advice?
—Brad
Hi Brad,
When someone has just gotten out of a relationship, they often seek to get over the pain by jumping into something else. Few people are enlightened enough to take time to heal between relationships when there is the possibility of being with someone else who has piqued their interest.
The only reason she said she did not want to “nurse another relationship” is because she is not that into you. I know this because she keeps mentioning her ex, and she told you to date others.
My advice: Move on.
Dear Lucia,
Your answer to Bobi regarding asking her boyfriend to get rid of the pics of his ex was spot on (Campus Circle, Oct. 10). I was in a relationship for seven and a half years (six of those married) and have pics of my ex.
I have no desire to get back with her, but they are a memorable part of my life. There were many good times that have shaped me and made me the person I am today.
I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for two years now. I know that much of the success (with this new woman) is due to that experience, both in how I act as a person and mate, and in realizing what I have come to expect from my mate.
—Peter
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
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