Dear Lucia,

I went out with a guy on a first date and he was incredible. He’s not very good looking, but his personality shined through. The next day I got the bright idea of sending flowers as a way to say thank you for a wonderful date. Needless to say, we are no longer dating. Is sending flowers to a man still a big no-no?



You’re right, it was a bright idea. Not! What were you thinking? Of course sending flowers to a guy is still a no-no – unless he’s your long-term boyfriend or husband. Why would you think things had changed? A simple, "Thank you. I had a nice time," would have sufficed. Stop trying so hard. I hope you learned your lesson.

Dear Lucia,

If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and still have feelings for that person, is spending time with an ex to "get your mind off things" a good idea?


Dear Amanda,

The desire to spend time with an ex after a recent breakup is normal. You want to be with someone that you feel safe with, someone you had an intimate connection with in the past. I don’t see a problem with this as long as your ex knows you’re not trying to get back together with him. Explain to him that you feel sad and vulnerable at the moment and just want to spend some time with him to help you get over your recent relationship.

Dear Lucia,

I’m a third year college student, and I have this crush on a freshman. He’s gorgeous and interesting, and … I have a boyfriend. Is it OK to look if I don’t touch? This guy knows I have a boyfriend. Is it OK to be friends with someone you have a thing for?

Dear Cindy,

Why don’t you ask your boyfriend if it’s OK to be friends with someone "you have a thing for?" Would you want him to hang out with a girl he had the hots for? I don’t think so.

You will always meet people that you find "gorgeous and interesting." Can you look but not touch? Absolutely. Friends? I’m not so sure. As they say in acting class, "What’s your motivation?" Do you want to keep him on the back burner in case things don’t work out with your current beau? Again, would you want your guy to do that?

Maybe you need to re-think your current relationship. Is something missing with him that you think you’ll find in the new guy? Or is it because you know your boyfriend’s faults and think the new guy is perfect because you haven’t seen his faults, yet? In this case, I believe the old adage, "Do unto others …" really applies. Good luck.

Dear Lucia,

Why do women tend to be so protective of how many men they have been with, what they have done in bed and with whom? If you have been with 20 guys, so what?


Dear Jonny,

You’ve got to be kidding me. What planet did you just land from? Don’t tell me you don’t know about the double standard – women with a lot of partners are promiscuous, men who do the same are just being men.

Most men would not be comfortable knowing their "woman" had been with a lot of men. Is it right? Not necessarily, but in the words of Bruce Hornsby, "That’s just the way it is." Besides, it’s really none of your business who and how many.

What guys are really asking when they ask how many men a woman has been with is: How many other guys am I being compared to? You can interpret that any way you like.

REMEMBER: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

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