About 16 years ago while in college I became infatuated with my college professor. I was very shy so I stayed away from him.
When the new semester started, I took a class next to one that he was teaching. While sitting in class, he would knock on the door and ask how I was doing in there. After it was over, I decided to send him a card to ask him out, and he showed up.
Just recently, I saw him on a Web page with his e-mail address. I would really like to say hi and ask him how he’s doing. My friend thinks I am nuts for doing this. It has been 10 years since I last saw him.
Should I take a chance? Who knows – maybe we can date? Will I be making a fool out of myself?
—Julianne
Dear Julianne,
If everyone thought like your friend, Facebook would be out of business. People generally love to connect with people from the past.
What have you got to lose? Keep it light, ask what he’s been up to and go from there.
Dear Lucia,
I've been dating a guy for almost a year. We’ve been totally in love from the start, yet we’ve had our small fights here and there.
He never got used to arguments and said they were always caused by the same thing: how we couldn’t effectively communicate with one another. He always said we could never see eye to eye, but eventually we’d move on until the next silly fight where miscommunication would be the cause again.
He took me away for a romantic birthday weekend, and two days later we got into another stupid fight. Afterward, he told me he didn’t feel the same about me and our relationship because it seemed nothing had changed.
We aren’t talking right now while he’s “thinking” things over, but I’ve tried everything. Help!
—Marie
Dear Marie,
Let’s get one thing straight: you were not in love from the start. How can you love someone you don’t even know?
This is a very immature view of relationships, so it doesn’t surprise me that there are “miscommunication” problems. Since I don’t have more specific details, I would suggest talking to a professional – either alone or together.
Dear Lucia,
I only recently broke up with my boyfriend. He was what I consider a “momma’s boy.” He said he didn’t like his mother probing into his life, but he did not show any intention of changing it.
The problem I had was that he couldn’t see me unless he ran it past her first. I ended up feeling like the other woman and that he had no time for me. Please don’t get me wrong – I would encourage my man to have a healthy relationship with his mom, but this was getting to the point that she was planning his life for him (by the way, he’s 24).
I felt this was a deal breaker. He could live with it, I couldn’t. What is your opinion on men like this?
—Angela
Dear Angela,
You did the right thing. You’re right – with a “momma’s boy” you will end up feeling like the other woman.
She will always come first, even if you get married. My advice to anyone dating this type of guy – run!!!
Dear Lucia,
My boyfriend of eight years cheated on me twice. We have an eight-year-old kid and another one on the way.
I don’t understand why he’s taking so long to decide whom to choose. I asked him if he wanted to be with her, and he said no.
He told me that he already broke up with the other woman, but it seems that she doesn’t want to let go. What shall I do?
—Confused
Dear Confused,
He’s already decided – he’s keeping both of you, at least for now. It doesn’t matter if the other woman doesn’t “want to let go” (if that’s even the truth). If he really wanted it to be over, she would no longer be in the picture.
The choice is actually yours to make. Do you want to be there? Do you want to be with a cheater?
If so, continue to stay but stop bringing innocent children into this situation. If not, find a way out.
Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.
Write to Lucia at www.theartoflove.net.
Read an excerpt from Lucia’s Lessons of Love at www.lessonsoflove.net.
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